NEW YORK, I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU'RE BRINGING ME DOWN

by Stan, Ghosts of Wayne Fontes

Did you hear that Alex Rodriguez opted out of his contract with the Yankees? Really, how the hell could you have not heard about it? For shit sakes, it's been littered all over the TV, radio, Internets and (here's a a real shocker) even this thing we like to call Blogfrica. Yup, I'm just making a funny, but you get the drift...A-Rod's days as a Yankee are essentially over. Or are they?

Well, despite committing such a selfish and heinous act by interrupting the World Series (I hope the fry the bastard), A-Rod still hasn't officially ruled the Yankees out of the picture. Of course, if you take tongue and cheek what the Yankees say then you're under the impression the relationship is O-V-E-R. Anyhow, that's yet to be determined in the ensuing weeks and months of coverage we are about to get slapped in the face with. ESPN is looking to enlist Pedro Gomez to follow A-Rod at all times. So where does he land? Good Question.

Well, perhaps New York just wore the man down and he'd had enough. Regardless, opting out was his plan the whole time along and it simply didn't matter what the Yanks stance was on the issue. A-Rod was and is all about the all might dollar signs. And so, we may never get to see him truly earn those pinstripes, but at least now we can throw our hats into the speculation game as to just where he lands next. Look, I'm certainly no Buster Olney, but here are my best guesses at where A-Rod will soon be calling home.

Of course, you don't really need me to list the candidates, but just humor me. And I've even thrown in some analysis for a change of pace, follow along...

Mets – Um, do the names David Wright and Jose Reyes ring a bell. There’s simply no way conceivable this ever happens. A-Rod isn’t smart enough, stupid enough and/or savvy enough to jump across town with the Mets.

Tigers – Well, we can squash this rumor, fresh off the Tigers landing 55 year old Edgar Renteria.

Red Sox – Nah, this just seems too friggin’ obvious. If anything we learned the whole A-Rod debacle before the 2004 season only served to alter the course of history for the Red Sox. While, they were shaping into a team of destiny A-Rod was illegally slapping away baseball’s wearing purple lip gloss. The Red Sox have been down this road before and they aren’t getting fooled to hopping in bed with A-Rod…again. Thankfully, last time they didn’t have a condom. Either way, the smart move would be to sign Mike Lowell…he deserves it.

White Sox – Hmm, pretty, pretty intriguing. However, do you think A-Rod would ever play in a town known as the 2ND city and let alone play for arguably the 2ND most popular team in town? A-ROD is #1 remember? Numero fucking uno and don’t forget it.

Cubs – We’ve been hearing about this deal since Lou Pinella took over on the North Side. Well, it’s simply not going to happen. The Cubs are already vested in for about $300 million on the payroll. Considering their continuing need for starting pitching, it’d be a move from a damned fool if Jim Hendry were to snag this bait. Sure, the Cubs could use a legitimate everyday shortstop, but with ownership in flux and the payroll already a couple belt sizes too big for the budget…this is just a fairytale.

Giants - No way, do they have another affair with a selfish superstar. Been there done that.

Dodgers - Another one of those destinations that just kinda "feels" right. It's a large enough market, the team is competitive, the fan base is loyal and the media isn't too overbearing. However, there is a nasty rumor floating out there that says Joe Torre is going to take over the soon to be vacant Manager post for the Dodgers. Correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't Torre and Rodriguez at odds occasionally during his tenure in the Bronx? Maybe I'm wrong on that, but I just don't see A-Rod following Torre to L.A. Yet, let's keep this option open, because it does make sense.

Angels – The most logical pick on the board that everyone with a pulse will talk about for the next eternity. The Angels fit the billing. They need a 3rd baseman, they need a bat to protect Vladimir Guerrero, the owner has the cash, they are a world away from New York, the media pressure is about a million times less intense in the laid back O.C, A-Rod can surf alone, the rally monkey is pretty cool and the Angels are pretty damn competitive. And on top of that A-Rod could stick it the Yankees on a yearly basis by winning in Anaheim. Yup, this looks like the destination, but hold that thought.

Mariners – For all that A-Rod has supposedly done wrong with his image, his career, his gayness, his marketability, etc…wouldn’this be the one good thing he could do? Yes, to go back to where it all began. And to repay the loyal fans of Seattle by returning home and leading them past the Yankees in the playoffs...right? The Mariners aren't as far away as you'd think. In fact, they were in contention up until the final month of the season. A-Rod back to Seattle has all the marking of a feel good image repair the dude sorely needs. So why not?

Marlins – Well, on second thought why go home to the Mariners. Is that really his home? Why not return home to Miami? No, not feeling that one?

Royals - If all else fails here is the perfect fit. This is where he can quietly carry on as the greatest baseball player alive and never have to fear the backlash of the media or ever have to worry about the playoffs. Welcome to Kansas City A-Rod, with your fat contract you are now the principal owner of the Royals...enjoy.