NFL THREATDOWN! TOP 10 THREATS TO THE NFL'S SPORTS WORLD DOMINANCE

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

With a tip of the hat towards our spiritual hero, Stephen Colbert. What could topple the NFL from its perch atop the throat of the American sporting consciousness? This list. THIS IS THE NFL THREATDOWN!

10. A league-wide HGH, steroid and blood doping scandal, but only if all drugs were obtained by extracting them from cute widdle puppies

9. Norv Turner clones himself, ruins all 32 NFL franchises at once

8. Criticism of black quarterbacks like Donovan McNabb grows so heated, blacks simply stop watching the games in protest

7. Jerry Jones buys every team, names them all The Cowboys; ensuing confusion makes gambling impossible, and league collapses from lack of interest

6. The US suffers an "Adpocalypse" where US media buyers suddenly discover, through DVR and focus group analysis, that no one is actually watching or being influenced by their $2.3 million 30-second Super Bowl spots, and that no one on God's Green Earth has ever bought a truck due to John Cougar Mellencamp. The league folds in minutes without ad revenue, and the nation soon falls into a post-modern "leathers and feathers" dystopia

5. Well, not to say it too loud or anything, but OJ is out on bail

4. Brett Favre retires, causing every announcer, fan, fellow player and stadium concession worker to explode in a grand mal seizure of inconsolable grief; no one ever watches or plays NFL football with even the slightest hint of childlike joy ever again

3. League puts football on every available day of the week and television station, causing a weary public to just give up

2. The fantasy football industry is blindsided by the shocking revelation that if you stop talking about your team, you might actually get laid

1. New England goes 19-0 and wins every game by 20+ points, causing tens of millions of suicides; the mass deaths are praised by ESPN's Resident Patriot Taint Licker Bill Simmons as A Good Thing, and Further Proof Of Bill Belichick's Wonderful Genius