PETER KING QUOTES TEXT MESSAGE, HASTENS FALL OF CIVILIZATION

by wwtb?, Pacifist Viking

In Peter King’s recent MMQB, King quotes Trent Green. More specifically, he quotes Trent Green’s text messages:

"Will b ok. Not like lst yr. TG.''

and

"He outweighs me by over 100 lbs. Where shld I blk him? TG.''

Now, I’m not one for overreaction. I try to keep an even keel, and put all things into a reasonable perspective. But I think I can say without question that at this moment the English language, nay, Western Civilization, is now dead.

When language reaches such shorthand that we don’t need vowels, the terrorists have already won. In 1984, George Orwell predicted the devolution and manipulation of language; now language has devolved to the point where “Will b ok” is an acceptable sentence to appear in a widely read column. The apocalypse is upon us, and you’re all on your own because there’s only room for one in my bomb shelter. Alone in my shelter, isolated from the rest of post-apocalyptic barbarism, I will preserve the memory of vowels.

Text messaging is the decline of civilization; this is an indisputable fact. And now Peter King, a widely respected sportswriter, quotes a football player’s text message in the shortened text messaging language. May God have mercy on our souls. Forgive us: we know not what we do.

Text messaging is ruining the world. Rather than communicating ideas or even complete sentences (or even complete words), people are communicating short-hand meaningless gibberish. Annoying and lazy teenagers were already in the process of destroying civilization with their text messages, but now it has been legitimized. Thank you, Peter King and Trent Green, for hastening that inevitable destruction of the world as we know it.