TALE OF THE TAPE: VICK VS SPEARS - MANO A BALDO

by DCScrap, Our Book of Scrap

2007 has been a real bad year for you if your name is either Michael Vick or Britney Spears. Both of these former uberstars have driven their careers straight off the rails and into the dumpster (where Brit found some fries ... ooh, still warm! ... yum!). It has been a fun ride with no end in sight. My top-secret, super-duper question of the day is, which one of these two mental train wrecks had the worst 2007?


To find out, let's go to the scorecards! Harold...

VICK:

• The Falcons want him to return more than $16 million in bonus money. (Points: 16)
  
• Took Animal Cruelty Prevention Course at PETA. (Points: -3)
  
• An Indiana bank sued him for not repaying loans involving a car rental business. (Points: 10)
  
• Failed drug test, ordered to wear electronic monitor and given a curfew. (Points: 5)
  
• Hit with one count of beating or killing a dog and one count of engaging in and promoting dogfighting by the State of Virginia. (Points: 30)
  
• Royal Bank of Canada sued him for more than $2.3 million alleging his guilty plea on federal dogfighting charges has caused him to default on a loan. (Points: 23)
  
• Mediocre crowd turns out for ESPN-sponsored town meeting to discuss his plight. (Points: 2)
  
• Authorities in Catawba County, N.C., say they have found a possible link between a dog breeder found shot to death in his home in April and the "Bad Newz Kennels" operated by Vick. (Points: 5)
  
• Indefinitely suspended by the NFL. (Points: 18)
  
• Found Jesus. Apology note he used in press conference brings in $10,200 in an online auction to benefit the Humane Society of the United States. (Points: -5)
  
• Sued by the legendary Jonathan Lee Riches. (Points: 5)
  
• Dumped by major sponsors like Nike and Reebok. (Points: 12)
  
• Nailed with federal charges for dogfighting. Pleaded guilty in federal court to a dogfighting conspiracy charge and is awaiting sentencing. (Points: 40)
  

Mike's total score: 151

BRIT-BRIT:

• Some dude that claims to have a tape of him and Brit-Brit having sex. (Points: 2)
  
• Lost custody of her kids after her bodyguard documents her drug use, bad parenting and erratic behavior. (Points: 25)
  
• Charged with two misdemeanors including a hit-and-run for an incident when she pulled into a parking space and hit a car, and for driving without a valid license. (Points: 12)
  
• Her lawyer and manager quit on her. (Points: 4, but with the double bonus it's 8)
  
• Put on a horrendous comeback performance at the VMA’s. (Points: 5)
  
• Investigated by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. (Points: 3)
  
• Investigated for possible child abuse. (Points: 12)
  
• Threatened to kill a photographer after bodyguard beat him up. (Points: 8)
  
• Divorced her loser husband, Kevin Federline. (Points: 2)
  
• Slapped her mom in public. (Points: 10)
  
• Stormed off a plane minutes before take-off because it didn't have leather seats. (Points: 3)
  
• Checked into rehab. (Points: 3)
  
• Checked into rehab … again. (Points: 2)
  
• Checked into rehab … again. (Points: 1)
  
• Attacked paparazzi with umbrella. (Points: 20)
  
• Shaved her own head bald. (Points: 30)
  

Brit's total score: 151

So who wins this epic battle of the cerebral celebrities? There are no winners here folks.

Except you ... and me. 2008 ought to be real fun.