THAT BASKETBALL GAME IS JOLLY, RIGHT OLE' CHAP?

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

Can someone please explain to me why the NBA is trying to branch out to other countries? I honestly don't think they care. It'd be like someone trying to force me to eat a hand grenade, but I keep telling them my stomach doesn't set well with gun-powder and Ammonium Nitrate Fuel Oil. But David Stern is a stubborn, old man and won't take no for an answer I suppose:

With the two teams in town for Wednesday night's exhibition game, NBA commissioner David Stern hinted that the British capital was a serious candidate not only to host a future regular-season game but perhaps to one day have its own franchise.

"The UK is joining the basketball world and that's very exciting," Stern said, adding that Britain's basketball "stars are aligning" given the recent successes of the national team in gaining promotion to Europe's Division A and the forthcoming Olympic Games in 2012.

The stars people, the stars. This topic really interested me so I went ahead and Google'd up the first website I found on "London Basketball Stars" and got this:

We are seeking: Female Basketball players London Womens team. London Storm Women’s basketball club (been running for near;y 4 years now) seeks women players to join their fun and social basketball team.

If you like to have a laugh... And play basketball, then we are definitely the club to join!

Where do I sign up to be a fan?

The point is, can we please keep our sports in this country? Other sports have tried branching out to us, and we can see how well that turned out. Take for instance, the NFL's attempt to branch out to Hispanic countries with our version of football. Homie, do you really think countries like Mexico, Spain, and Ecuador (just to name a few) really give a rats ass for our game? I'm all about showing love for every sport out there, but I'm a realistic guy. There's only so much optimism I can put into a project before it fails miserably. Like my attempt to hook up with my high school's Prom Queen. How was I supposed to know she had a foot fetish? Just because I don't dig that, means I've got to change?

That's a bad example, but it's almost the same. If you don't agree, you're a terrorist. Are you following me? No? Good.

Call it an overgeneralization, but I don't think the tea-sippers care about our brand of basketball. They're more into soccer and eating crumpets and driving small cars around and bad hygiene. Those are the things I've grown up to believe about London, don't make me change :(. Much like they think we eat McDonald's all day and scarf down Cheeseburgers. There's a reason we have stereotypes!

So we can live in fear and in a box.

(Originally published 10/10)