Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: TOP 10 CANDIDATES TO BE THE NEXT YANKEE MANAGER


by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

10. Don Mattingly. Because the next era of Yankee baseball also is looking to be devoid of championships, and Donny's got lots of experience at that. But first, SHAVE THOSE SIDEBURNS, YOU HIPPIE!

9. Larry Bowa. Billy Martin's dead, so let's get the closest possible approximation. New York tabloids are already gathering up a collection for this to happen.

8. Ron Guidry. So what if the pitching staff was the big reason why this year's Yankee team failed, and Guidry was the pitching coach? He's Louisiana Lightning!

7. Wade Boggs. If only to make Red Sox fan fume a little more. Bonus points if he brings the mistress!

6. Bobby Valentine. He's available, experienced at the New York grind, and almost completely without shame. George will love him!

5. Davey Johnson. Almost the same qualifications as Valentine, only with more lifetime wins and playoff success. The special bonus here is that no one will take his side when you fire him.

4. LOU! LOU! LOOOOOOUUUUU! After 162 games of managing the Yankee JV in Cubland, it's time for Lou Pinella to come home to the unbridled insanity that is the Bronx. (What, you don't think Stein could buy him out of his Cubs deal? Surely you jest.) If nothing else, he'll have special insight into beating the D-Rays.

3. Joe Torre. Oh, come on, like Big Stein really fires anyone anymore? It's been 12 years, and he likes twisting in the wind, so why not keep him around for lucky number 13? Stein's threats to fire people are right up there with Mr. McMahon these days, anyway...

2. A Black Guy. Ok, we're just kidding here, but if this happens, then you know Stein's no longer in charge, really. (But if they go this way, we want to see Sheff come back as player-coach. That would rule.)

1. Billy Martin. He's dead? Well, that didn't keep the Raiders from hiring Art Shell, did it? Just hire John Turturro to impersonate him, have some bench coach actually make all of the moves, and explain it all away by saying Billy's been in the Third World finding a miracle cure for alcoholism. So long as Turturro gets into fights in bars and gets canned three or four times, it's all good.. and the Yankees will rally around the replacement, just like old times!

2 comment(s):

Shorty said...

"A black guy"

Andrew said...

Joe Girardi says your post is awful.

Simply awful.

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