TOP 10 "MUST HAVES" FOR CURT SCHILLING'S NEXT TEAM

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Today, noted shrinking violet and Red Sox starting pitcher Curt Schilling announced his free agency, along with a list of teams that he'd consider playing for. What will be the deciding factors in where The Sock goes next?

10. The ability to pay a 41-year-old injury-prone starting pitcher double digit millions per year to produce a somewhat better than .500 record, a couple of trips to the disabled list, and around a 4-run ERA while listening to constant "Last Year" distraction talk

9. Microphones, cameras, and the people who hold them

8. A manager that promises to get Terry Francona's opinion on everything Curt does first

7. High-speed wireless broadband, a house with a basement "Man Space", and a really big monitor for his blog posts (oh, wait, that's actually my demands from Epic Carnival)

6. In a state with an open Republican Senate nomination in 2010, so that Curt can run on his "I still support George Bush" platform

5. The continued worship of Red Sox Nation, even if Curt goes to Anaheim and beats them in the playoffs

4. A laundry service that's skilled with "blood" stains

3. The severed heads of Pedro Gomez, Gary Thorne, Dan Shaugnessy and Howard Eskin

2. Good schools, because the Schillings don't have the means to shell out for private schools -- that's expensive

1. A very large mirror and a valet to hold it, so that Curt can always see the only teammate that always wanted to hear him talk some more