TOP 10 NFL ISSUES THAT CONGRESS CAN ADDRESS NOW THAT THE BRETT FAVRE MOTION IS DONE

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Now that Congress has tackled the urgent matter of praising Brett Favre, what's next up for America's elected officials who are looking to get some cheap press clippings from the dominant sports league? Glad you asked, theoretical reader. The following are now working their way through comittee.

10. HR 362436, Resolving That The Eagles Cheerleaders Have Mighty Fine Breasts And Posteriors, And That It Is Permissible For Americans To View And Enjoy Them, If They Are Into That Kind Of Thing

9. HR 696969, Resolving That New Pittsburgh Steelers Mascot Steely McBeam, While Not Welcome To Participate In A Same Sex Marriage Because That Would Be Icky, Is Allowed To Pay Taxes And Feel Positively Neato About Himself And His Team

8. HR 182988, Declaring That Even Though No One Could Possibly Defeat The Patriots, It's Completely OK If The Colts Want To Try Anyway, Just For, You Know, Some Small Sense of Drama

7. HR 3726520, Thanking Shaun Alexander For His Many Years Of Wonderful Service To The Seahawks, And Wishing Him Well In All Of His Retirement Days, Which Can Start Any Time Now, Really

6. HR 134EVER, Asking For Relief And Redress From The National Disaster and Tragedy That Is The 2007 Miami Doplhis (Rams expected to be added in "pork" committee round)

5. HR12!12!12!, Resolving That Although What Steely McBeam Is Into Is Icky, It's Perfectly OK If Tom Brady Is Involved, If You Catch Our Meaning, And I Think You Do, Aww Yeah Baby

4. HR 81418, The Chicago Bears Quarterback Relief Bill of 2007, Proposing That All Concerned Parties Continue To Obsess Over Grossman, Griese and Orton, Rather Than Notice That The Old De Fence, She Ain't What She Used To Be, Ain't What She Used To Be, Ain't What She Used To Be

3. HR 016016, Whereas The Rams And The Dolphins, If Both Organizations Continue To Provide Victories For All Other Teams, Shall Be Recognized For Their Generosity Of Spirit And Charity Towards All Teams, With Prejudice Towards None

2. HR 25>28, Proposing That Reggie Bush Remains Far More Exciting Than That Unproven, Injury-Prone Peterson Fellow Who Isn't Even The Only Player In The NFL With That Name, So How Special Can He Be, Really (regional appeal for this bill only)

1. HR 81481, Resolving That Anyone Who Says Nay To Randy Moss and the New England Patriots Is Classified As An Enemy Combatant And Is Eligible To Serve In Guantanamo Bay As An An Undocumented Participant In The Wink-Wink Scream-Scream Room