TOP 10 POSTS IN A SPORTS BLOGGERS' LIFE

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

In honor of Epic Carnival recently breaking past the 1000 post mark (and you didn't get us nothing, you ingrate), we proudly present the following...

10. Post Number One. I exist! I have a blog -- and it's never going to stoop to cheap posts like video clips, poon or link dumps, cause I've got so much to say! I've just popped my cherry! I'm going to reflexively refresh this page until I see a comment!

9. First Naughty Word. Hey, no one commented on Post Number One -- but it's cool. I just need to get more hardcore and drop some f-bombs. Who cares if my Mom will complain? Just because she reads my blog and gave me this sweet basement doesn't mean she *owns* me.

8. First Video Clip. Hey, I know what I said before, but this clip is *so* funny -- it's a squirrel on a surfboard! It's OK though, I made it about sports by saying that the squirrel looks like A-Rod. Oh, wait -- GAY-Rod. That'll get me some Yankee Fan heat!

7. First Big Time Link. Omigod omigod omiGAWD! Will at Deadspin actually linked to my 5,000 word piece where I reviewed the relative sexual prowess of all of the players on his favorite teams. I NEVER WOULD HAVE EXPECTED THIS! THIS IS AWESOME!

6. First Disturbing Search Query. According to my site analysis program, my blog is now getting traffic from people who are searching for those Naughty Words I used. It's, um, kind of creepy...

5. First Mean Person. This Anonymous guy really seems to hate me. It's totally cool though, I have to expect this kind of thing now that I've reached the big time. It doesn't bother me at all. Really. (Sniff.)

4. We're Big Overseas! It turns out that all of the Disturbing Search Queries were guys from Eastern Europe who don't really know how to use the Internet to look for porn. Welcome, guys from Eastern Europe who don't know how to look for porn!

3. First Mailed-In Post. No one will notice if I just change a few things from that thing I wrote a month ago. No one. (Drinks, stares vacantly out into distance)

2. Final Post (fake). I'll show them all! I'll post a final big post where I will *totally destroy* everyone who was ever mean to me -- even Will at Deadspin, who told me to stop emailing him or he'll call the cops. Then, I'LL NEVER EVER POST AGAIN! WAAAAAHHHHH! (But I will refresh the post constantly to read any comments.)

1. Final Post (real). Does not really exist.