by BOHChris, Blog of Hilarity
The Sports Blog community is, surprisingly, as teeming with women as it is with recycled jokes and link requests. According to an in-depth study conducted by someone and sent to me by by EC's lovely Sooze, there are approximately 98 females blogging. Some of the girls had their chance to judge the boys of blogging, so now it's your turn to objectify them right back. Because women really aren't objectified enough in society.
Rather than continue treating our fellow blogstresses as "equals" or "people", let's cut the BS: There's a good chance you, dear reader, would aspire to plow any of them on any given night. Unfortunately, life is about choices. And today, you will have to choose between two saucy seductresses of sports bloggery, FanHouse's Miss Gossip and This Suit Is Not Black's Kristine.
But I won't ask you to make this decision without some information to make an educated choice. So here's the info you need to decide whom you'd prefer to baste with your male juices.
LET'S GET PHYSICAL. PHYSICAL.
The good news for this first Who Would You Do is that we don't have to rely on just pictures or potentially fat hiding MySpace-angled photos.
Both Kristine and Miss Gossip get seen in motion regularly on FanHouse. Someone at AOL came up with the Earth-shattering idea that it might be good to put attractive women in videos every day. So AOL rustled up some gals to do a feature in which they read the top headlines. That means you get to see honeys like Miss Gossip and Kristine in their natural environments.
Here's Miss Gossip looking pretty foxy in an episode of the FanHouse Minute.
Does she normally have those things on her wall? Or is she so dedicated to this cause that she puts them up before each video? Inquiring minds need to know.
Not to be outdone, Kristine shows effective usage of make-up and ineffective usage of a hairbrush in this video.
Something hot about a woman who can talk and have the audio come out three seconds later. It's like jerking off to Max Headroom.
Now of course, the most important thing in any courtship of a woman is her looks. But the weak among us also look for things like personality and talent. If you're into that sort of thing, Miss Gossip and Kristine have different talents to offer.
Miss Gossip gained fame on her SunsGossip site for some of her fantastically rendered drawings. Since scrolling's for homos, here's a fine video collection of some of the best Miss Gossip artist renderings.
In fact, her work is so inspirational, when thinking of this article, I felt compelled to draw a picture of what I imagine a date with Miss Gossip would be like for me.
That's why I'm the king of romance, kids.
While Miss Gossip excels in the arts, Kristine excels in the written word. The chick is an artist, dammit. Here's what she had to say in an interview with MC Bias (which I like to pronounce "MickBias"...if I ever had to say that blog's name out loud, I mean).
It’s not much more than that. Honestly, though, I write between 15-18 stories daily for my prep service, but if I don't write one good blog post I feel like my day's been a waste. The blog is my voice, my creativity, my brainchild as opposed to my company’s voice, my company’s creativity, my company’s brainchild. So as much as I’d like to say I do it for myself (and maybe my mom), it's a cool feeling to have someone like what I, even if that makes me lame.
So she's lame. Cool.
BUT THEY SUCK IN SOME WAYS RIGHT?
Well, yes. Being only human, our two dames are bound to have some flaws.
Miss Gossip draws herself as a black chick for some reason. Not just a black chick, but like the kind of black chick that would listen to Common and call me "White Devil" during sex. Which is confusing. Because she's like at least half Asian...She has to be a halfy. Something else is in there...South American? Italian? I don't know really know actually, but it makes me feel at least a little xenophobic.
Also I'd kind of worry that she'd draw a less-than-flattering picture of me if we hooked up and I underperformed. It would probably be a picture of me and a hopelessly flacid penis with a caption of "Womp Womp". It's one thing to hear it in person all the time...it's another entirely to see it illustrated in MS Paint. Theoretically.
As for Kristine, she's kind of a whore. Not in the good way (well, maybe in the good way), but in the "I'd totally leave you for someone who can advance my goals" kind of way. She's on FanHouse, Epic Carnival, her own site, Deadspin...I think she's working out a deal with iVillage as we speak.
Additionally, she hangs out with Mr. Met apparently. And, given what he's into, I wouldn't be remotely surprised if she's has that oversized baseball head in some orifice.
SO WHO DO YOU PICK
You've heard what I had to say. Now let's pick a winner.
Next week, two more glamorous women of blogging will face off. But I need your help in determining whom. So email me at roomtonecsATblogofhilarityDOTcom if you're a gal looking to be included or a guy with incriminating pictures of a woman in sports blogging that you'd like to see thrown into the Who Would You Do tank. It's for the good of society.
by BOHChris, Blog of Hilarity