Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: WHO WOULD YOU DO: SARAH VS SPORTS BIOTCH


by BOHChris, Blog of Hilarity

After the *cough* rave reviews from last week's Who Would You Do, how could I possibly deny a part two? Answer: Easily. But here we are nonetheless.

First, the results of last week's matchup: Premature favorite Miss Gossip goes down in defeat to plucky underdog Kristine, 45% to 55%. Truly, this must be the highlight of Kristine's career.

It's a new week and we're onto two new vixens of sports bloggery, Strike Zones and End Zones' Sarah and The Sports Biotch's titular character, Sports Biotch. And away we go.


Sarah's a pretty impressive filly, with her own blog, guest stints on Deadspin and Pyle of List, and the Extrapolater in addition to regular gigs on Huffington Post and Epic Carnival. She's also going to be writing for a porno company's journalistic-ish site, The Naughty American. When you combine that with her last name rhyming with "Porno," it all seems pretty poetic.

SportsBiotch (pictured above, engaging in some sort of erotic roleplay) is relatively new to the blogosphere, with a site only a couple months old with less than 20 posts. A brief glance through her posts shows some potential as a blogger, but one of the key components to success in bloggery is consistency (in the amount of content and quality of content). She also got some street cred by serving under the ruling thumb of Al Davis as part of the Oakland Raiders organization. I'm not sure in what capacity though, but I'm going to presume she was responsible for toweling down Tim Brown's undercarriage.

So do you buy into the established stock? Or the stock with potential but no track record?


Now writing's all well and good, but I wouldn't f*ck Sylvia Plath because she can spin a good metaphor. I would however f*ck James Joyce for that reason, but my inclinations aren't really what we're talking about here so maybe you should stop judging me.

Oh right, the girls. So Sarah's a foxy little dish if you like the Jersey girl publicist type. The kind that might boss you around a bit and subvert your caveman-like inclinations to demand cooking, bjs, and cheerleader outfits in bed.

But, as you can see in the picture above, she has a tongue ring (being ably applied to that phallic-looking bottle). And you know what they say about women with tongue rings... they have holes in their tongues that are filled with a metal object.

Sports Biotch is a pretty fine piece of woman too. Here she is, all domesticated looking with an apron and a somewhat sexy outfit underneath. And she's baking! That's the kind of combination of looks and behavior I'd imagine from my perfect woman...she actually looks kind of like the drawing I did this morning of my dream gal.

Such is life. You'll never find someone who completely meets your ideals.


So now you have all the information you need to pick which of these upstanding women would be more qualified for you to offer up yourself to. Vote which gal you'd do in the poll below.

Thanks to Sarah and Sports Biotch for their participation in this week's show (Full disclosure: Both gals were notified in advance). Looking for two more gals for next week's edition so, as always, ladies, email yourselves (or guys, email your suggestions) to roomtonecsATblogofhilarityDOTcom. Until next time...

6 comment(s):

Anonymous said...

Biotch is definitely cuter but I've never heard of her before. She has less blog posts than Alyssa Milano.

Rupert Entwistle said...

You better watch what you say anonymous. Maj will come after you.

Anonymous said...

Why is Ms Pac Man going to eat that ottoman?

Anonymous said...

Sports Biotch all day

dswinder said...

my allegiances are split...Sarah writes for EC, and TSB writes for Sons of Sam Malone...My vote must remain top secret...

Anonymous said...

Lame gimmicks like this need to be stopped.

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