THE BEER TENT: LET'S FORGET ABOUT BARRY FOR AWHILE

by dswinder, Sons of Sam Malone

It's been nearly three months since that fateful August night when one man was able to taint the history of America's pastime with one swing of his bat. I remember having mixed emotions when Barry went yard for the 756th time of his career. As a fan of the game, I was disgusted at the thought of Barry Bonds and his juice-enabled body now holding a record that he had managed to bastardize in every sense of the word. Yet, at the same time, I'm ashamed to say I was somewhat relieved. It wasn't that I wanted Hank's record to fall, and it certainly had nothing to do with being proud of a cheater. I was relieved that peace would finally be restored. I was thankful that the mainstream media and blogs alike would finally just let it go. It was time to move on.

A good idea, but no, that would just make too much sense.

Rather than leave the topic alone, instead of moving attention away from the vile side of the game, the mainstream media and blogs all decided to keep on keepin' on. "Let's just immortalize this cheater and his "accomplishment" to the point that our grandchildren will be born with a sour taste in their mouths," seemed to be the running idea on how to handle 756.

It was supposed to end on August 7th -- instead, the torch of attention was passed from Barry Bonds to Matt Murphy and then on to Mark Ecko in the form of a baseball. Ecko then decided to let the people decide the fate of the blemished memorabilia, the fans chose to smack an asterisks on the unfortunate piece of history, and now we've come full circle back to Barry himself.

As if Barry's displeasure with not being re-signed for 2008 wasn't enough spotlight for his melon of a head, the man is now deciding to keep us trapped in this nightmare for a little while longer. Last night, in an interview aired on MSNBC, Baroid announced that IF the ball is displayed with an asterisk in Cooperstown, he will boycott the Hall of Fame. I believe his exact words were: "I won't go. I won't be part of it. You can call me, but I won't be there."

My question is: Who cares?

Honestly, Barry shouldn't even get the chance to sniff an induction into the Hall. If Mark McGwire can be blacklisted for using then-LEGAL performance enhancing drugs, then Barry Bonds should be forced to pay the price of admission to even see the ball, asterisks and all. But arguing Bond's placement in the Hall of Fame isn't the purpose of this column. Instead, I'm simply wondering when it will end. What is it going to take to rid ourselves of this drama? What needs to happen so I don't have to hear about this "record" until A-Rod draws within fifty in a few years?

I still hold a shimmer of hope that with the baseball season officially over for the Winter, the NBA kicking off their romp, and the NFL in full swing, we'll somehow be able to shake this plague that is Barry Bonds. Maybe between the Patriots, Kevin Durant's rookie year, and Hank Steinbrenner's self-entitled babbling brook of bullsh*t, we'll be able to find some reprieve from the madness. Is it a long shot? Probably. But come on; it's been nearly three months -- let's give it a rest.

------------------------------------

Now, time for business matters. This was just a test run of a weekly column I will be doing here at Epic Carnival from now on. Moving forward from today, you can look for the column to be longer. I haven't settled on a day as of yet, and the name is far from set in stone. But you can expect to see the finished project sometime in the next two weeks, and you should anticipate greatness -- or at least an elevated level of mediocrity. Well, you can expect to find something to read. I'm not going to make any empty promises of quality. So...uh...yeah...Look for the column in the coming weeks, and maybe give it a read if you have a laptop and either A.) wireless internet or B.) an Ethernet cable that reaches your sh*tter. Good day!