BLACK FLAG-DIRECTV NASCAR HOTPASS WINNERS

by CC Rider, The Black Flag Blog

For those of you who have been following The Black Flag NASCAR Hotpass Moment Contest sponsored by DirecTV, we now have a grand prize winner and four runner up winners.

Before we get to the winners, I want to thank everyone who entered and all of our judges for their hard work on this contest.

The judges are....

• Queen of the NASCAR blogosphere TallGlassOfMilk.
• Former New York Times NASCAR reporter and author of the new novel "Yellow Flag" Robert Lipsyte.
• NASCAR media critic John Daly of The Daly Planet.
• Chuxtory is on the panel.
• We also have KLValus, winner of the FoxSports/Miller Lite NASCAR Next Great Sportswriter Contest.

Our winners are....

In fifth place we have Frever3Fan who wrote:

Shame on ABC for showing 15 hours of Rusty (oops) I mean fire coverage instead of the race. The way he announces with his aero push and draft track. Give me a break. what's with all of his new designer phrases. They should have thrown him out on that fire line, along with Brad. All of the air that comes out of there mouths week in and week out would have been enough to blow out the fire. We could have actually watched the race. ABC passes the buck (to those of you who got to see it) with extended commercial coverage. ABC must stand for All But Concerned. They should get their priorities straight. I feel sorry for those that lost their homes, but in all reality I don't think they took the time to watch the coverage. They were too busy evacuating.

Rusty did you bump your head when you came into broadcasting? Did Lauren already knock you into the wall? Is this why half of the time you make no sense? Please do yourself a favor and retire. Do as the word says, RETIRE. Isn't your son calling you to help him with his career? It's time to break out the rocking chair that Nascar bought you. Do yourself another favor and get some use out of it.

Here is what some of the judges said:
KLValus: Solid but not cool to pick on the fire coverage.
Chuxtory: A Lauren reference.... cooool!!
Robert Lipsyte: This one is too long to be #1 but I like it and would re-consider if you are allowed to edit it down to a tight graph.

Next, our fourth place finisher is....

KJohnson14150 who brought:

Well, almost every time I hear Dr. Punch's voice. Announcer’s aren’t perfect, but man they shouldn’t make me want to watch HSN with Tony Little. I’ve never missed "boogity" so much it my life. It's gotten to the point where I mute my T.V at times to avoid losing more brain cells than what my beer is already causing. And will someone please tell Rusty that it's pronounced GilliLAND not Gilliann, apparently listening skills aren't apart of the hiring process. Lets go back to Lowes a few races ago when Jeff Gordon hit Dale Jr., then gets on the radio and tells his crew to get him ahead of the 8 car, which obviously means in the pits since, ya know, their his pit crew. But nooo, Rusty gets on national T.V and says "well who’s gonna drive the car to do that, he's gonna have to do it himself, just uh probably wants help from the spotter", which really gives me a reason to get drunk all by myself and just watch the pictures and pretty colors coming off the tube. Lets talk about Brad, the ex bballer. He’s a parrot and a bad one at that, this guy gets paid to play a game of simon says. AND DISH TECH TIM BREWER, OMG. This guy is not T.V equipped. He reminds me of the rainman but just doesn’t speak as good.. Sounds like he’s reading from Dish Tech’s, ‘Auto Stuff for Dummies’.

Robert Lipsyte: Another one that's too long, but if you could trim it down to keep the boogity and rainman parts I'd move it right up.
KLValus: Solid but nothing funny.
Chuxtory: Yeah...yeah...yeah... Me too...

HotFootLori finished in third with this entry:

The moment when ESPN/ABC made me wish I had DirecTV’s NASCAR HotPass was when I watched the Martinsville race on October 21, 2007. I subsequently penned the following letter: Dear Mrs. Patti Wallace: First, thank you for taking the time to read this letter. It is humbling to know you care. Patti, I know you have been married to Rusty for 27 years, a thought that I cannot completely fathom, yet I respect your commitment. Lord knows you are a strong woman to endure that, and having three children with the man. (And we know you changed all the diapers per his comment during the telecast!) But Patti, we NASCAR fans are in a serious quandary right now. We've sat through many races listening to your husband ramble on about draft track, and draft lock, and hot rods, and "let me tell you something," and about all he accomplished as a driver. Quite frankly, we're sick of it. Today, your husband kept wanting to talk about battery issues. Repeatedly stating he wanted to "revisit" the battery issues. Well Patti, on behalf of the NASCAR fans, can you do a small, itsy-bitsy, teenie-tiny favor for us? Will you PLEASE unplug Rusty's battery so that we can all enjoy the last 4 races of this season? Deeply grateful and forever in your debt, A Humble NASCAR Fan

Chuxtory: I liked this the FIRST time I read it, but if you're gonna have a "girl to girl" talk with somebody who can change things.... you should speak to Tracy Compton.
Robert Lipsyte: This one gets high marks for originality and creativity, but the execution lagged. The battery gag almost saved it.
KlValus: Great writing, very creative, funny.

The battle between first and second was a good one between two very solid short entries.

In second place we have Sevencswry.

I wished I had Hotpass the first time I heard Rusty refer to the "Car of Tomorrows". I wished I could transport to a different plane of reality the 42nd time Rusty said "Car of Tomorrows" (It's CARS OF TOMORROW, you dolt!).

Chuxtory: "DOH!!!"
KLValus: Funny but grammar issue with "wished".

And the winner is.....

Chris who nailed it with this short and to the point submission:

The moment when ESPN/ABC made me wish I had DirecTV's NASCAR HotPass was when... I heard four new tires refered to as "four new bolognas".

KLValus: Total CRACKUP! A perfect one liner.
Chuxtory: I didn't catch that one..... I'm glad.

Congratulations to our winners and thank you again to everyone who made this contest possible.

The grand prize winner will receive a NASCAR Hotpass subscription and a Clint Bowyer/DirecTV 1:24 scale die cast. The runner up winners will all receive their choice of the die cast car and DirecTV Pay-Per-View certificates.