Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: THE RIC FLAIR RULE


by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks

"To be the man, first, you've got to beat the man... WOOOOOOOOO!"

"The Nature Boy" has uttered those words more times than I can remember over the course of his illustrious career. Now it's time to apply that logic to the 2007/2008 NBA Season.

The San Antonio Spurs, as boring as they are led by "The Big Fundamental" himself, are the defending champs. Until someone else is holding up that trophy at the end of the year, they deserve your utmost respect.

My Burning NBA Question is this: How does three guys who have never won anything individually joining forces signal a sure-fire Eastern Conference title and trip to The Finals for the Celtics?

I love KG - dude plays the game the way I would like to think I would play the game if I wasn't 5'10, white and in possession of a 7" vertical. But honestly, a couple things to keep in mind:

  • There is only one ball for KG, P-Double and Jesus to shoot... and they all like their shots
  • Rajon Rondo is actually the key to all of this... doesn't that worry you?
  • Brian Scalabrine may get mistaken for Michael Rappaport, but he will never be mistaken for a top flight NBA talent. The rest of the bench is full of question marks too.
  • Doc Rivers is still the coach of this team...
I know the legions of Celtics fans and KG die-hards are going to say that none of these cats ever had anyone of substance playing with them, but that didn't stop King James from tossing the Cavs on his back and marching to The Big Dance last year.

And KG had talent around him in Minnesota, for that brief period where Spree and Sam I Am ran the court with him. Saying, "Well, they ran into the Shaq & Kobe Lakers" doesn't excuse the fact that KG hasn't made it to the summit yet. There is always going to be that other team.

As for Pierce, something tells me that he won't really enjoy playing third fiddle in this show, because KG is #1 and Mr. Shuttlesworth running off screens and bombing triples will be Option #2. All the "I only wanna win a championship" talk is nice until you don't get the pill enough times... then you want your shots too.

Speaking of Jesus, how are them ankles Ray? Everyone in Beantown better hope they're like Kanye - harder, faster, better, stronger - because behind him is Tony Allen and he likes to blow his ACL trying to dunk after the whistle.

* * * * * *

So yeah, I'm the new guy and the foreigner around here.

The name is E. Spencer Kyte, but ESKimo is easier to remember and actually quite appropriate seeing as I hail from The Great White North known as Canada. Lemme clear up a few things first:

* It's not a frozen wasteland up here and very few of us travel by dogsled
* None of us, I repeat, none of us say "Aboot"
* Thanks for taking Celine Dion off our hands; it's much appreciated

Now that that's out of the way, you can get more info on me here and here.

Look Mom, I'm a Carny!

3 comment(s):

DCScrap said...

Actually you are the third foreigner (fourth in total) writing for EC. Davey is from Curacao and Don is from Australia currently living in Japan. We won't dock your pay for the error though. We love Canadians!

E. Spencer Kyte said...

Good to know that I'm not alone here like I am at Bugs.

Thanks for letting me play folks... I promise more madness as the days go by.

Andrew said...

"We love Canadians."

Speak for yourself. I am less enamored with Canadians if they cannot end a sentence with eh or aboot.

This man disappoints. Also. He needs to get over the goddamn Montreal Screwjob.

And another thing. We need madness like I need a hole in a head.

However, you write well, so I like you.

Pepper in Canadian Stereotypical slanguage plz? K thx bye.

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