Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: INSIDE THE YANKEES' FORT

INSIDE THE YANKEES' FORT

by Ray, Flyers Fieldhouse

Alex Rodriguez: This is fun!

Hank Steinbrenner: Shhhhh, Alex, he's going to hear.

George Steinbrenner: It's alright, my boy, for this is a couch fort. And no one can pass through those cushions without knowing the secret password.

Alex: What's the secret password, sir?

George: (whispering) It's compromise, Alex. Compromise.

Alex: Ohhhh, he'll NEVER think of that!

Hank: So before we get back to contract talks, more tea for Mr. Alex?

Alex: Why I'd love some. Thank you very kindly, Mr. Hank.

(Hank pours Alex's teacup to the brim with imaginary tea)

George: Shhh shh shhhhhhhh! I think he's here!

(Scott Boras creeps up to couch fort)

Scott: (wistfully) Hello? Is anybody in there? Alex? Alex, my boy, please come out. I miss you.

(silence)

Scott: Okay, well I'm just going to leave now. Here I go. Leaving.

Scott takes softer and softer steps to create the illusion that he is, in fact, walking out of the room

Hank: We got him! Yippeeeeee!

Scott: A ha! I got you!

George: (through clenched teeth) Hank, you ignorant retard. Haven't you ever watched cartoons?

Hank: No, father, you made me read you the Wall Street Journal while you pooped on Saturday mornings.

Scott: C'mooooonnnn guys, why can't I come in?

George: What does the sign say?

Scott: (sighs) No Boraseses or girls allowed.

George: That's right. I'll tell you what. Hows about you go get us some more Sour Patch Kids and then we'll think about it. Sound good, Bore Ass?

(stifled giggles from inside)

Scott: Then you'll let me in?

George: Then we'll let you in.

Scott: Pinky swear.

George: Damnit, yes, I freaking pinky swear.

(George slips hand through crack in couch fort and locks pinkies, Scott runs off)

Alex: Wait, you're going to let him in, Mr. George? Please don't, sir. I don't like that man. He told me I couldn't have the big cake for my birthday party even though Derek got the big cake and then he yelled at me for opening my presents too fast and not reading the cards and those cards are dumb anyway unless there's $10 inside and he broke my most favorite Transformer and and and...

George: Shhhh there there, Alex. It's going to be okay. As long as we agree to the deal we had in place earlier, we'll have this finished up by the time he gets back.

Alex: (wipes eyes, blows nose) What was the deal?

(Scott approaches the fort, Sour Patch Kids in hand)

George: I believe we had agreed upon 10 years, $280 million. Can we agree upon that?

Alex: (pauses) Yes, Mr. George. I'm a Yankee again!

Scott: (drops Sour Patch Kids) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

1 comment(s):

Rupert Entwistle said...

That was hilarious


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