MATCH.COM MONDAYS: RANDY FLOYD

by Rupert, Ghosts of Wayne Fontes

As we make our way through this world, we're all trying to do one thing... procreate. But sometimes, it's hard to find a partner who shares the same interests as you do. I'm all about love baby, so I'll be promoting the Match.com profiles of our favorite athletes/commentators/journalists. You never know, you the reader might find the love of your life!

This Week's Featured Profile: Randy Floyd
Display Name: F*ck_Rebel_Gray
Status: Online now!

* age: 18.
* seeking: Heady Rasta Sister

Relationships: Single
Have kids: None
Ethnicity: White
Body type: skinny and undersized for a QB, but has flowing locks to compensate
Height: 5'11"
Religion: uncertain. Life is currently in a state of flux. The smart money is on Rastafarianism, Buddhism, or Nihilism.
Smoke: Do cats like lasagna?
Drink: Yep, preferably at the Moontower.

My Job:
High school student, returning letterman, and star QB for the Rebels. I think I am going to join a band though and hang up the cleats. I don't want to sign coach's stupid form. It's total bullshit, that form. I mean if we want to chase the muff around and get a buzz on in our free time, that is none of coach's god damn business. What I do on the field is his business, beyond that; I don't need this George Orwell bullshit. Fuck it, let's go get those Aerosmith tickets.

Favorite Hot Spots:
I dig hanging out of the rec center and playing Foos with guys. We cruise around a lot and listen to good tunes a lot. Been listening to that new song, Low Rider, a lot lately. That sets a real chill mood. We also hang out at the Moontower a lot. Moontower parties are the best. We toss a keg out in woods, crank up Benny's stereo and get down.

For Fun:
I like sitting in Pickford's sphere shaped chair and taking bong hits. I also enjoy joint committee meeting at the 50 yard line. That's where me and the guys get real blown out and just chill out on the football field. Fun times out there for sure.

Favorite Things:
I dig my ride. Even though Wooderson think his car is the best in school, mine is totally chill. I get real mellow in my ride. It's the one place I can really clear my head (and also cloud it way up if you catch my drift). I also like taking out freshman dudes and getting them laid by real mediocre chicks.

Last Read:
The Dharma Bums, by Jack Kerouac

About Me and Who I'm Looking For:
I don't really know anymore. I just need to get outta here man. The seventies are so lame. The sixties, the sixties were hip. Don't get me wrong, I get a ton of ass - good ass too. I just want to bolt on this whole scene: the teachers, the coaches, the fans, the chicks. They are all like, "Randy Floyd this, Randy Floyd that." Eff em all man. I'm going on Dead tour and I need a kind sister to be my right hand (in more ways than one ;) ).