THE PROPHET'S TUESDAY TAPOUT: DECAPITATED TURKEYS EDITION

by The Prophet, ProphetFighting

It's not easy being "the future of fight sport journalism"(TM). Sure, it has its perks--I'm a considered a giant among men, and essentially "above the law". Men want to be like me and women want to sleep with me. Mothers want me to kiss their babies and fathers use me as a role model for their sons. I'm a literary superhero and as we learned from the mouth of a non-literary superhero named Spiderman "with great power comes great responsibility". While I understand this and easily carry this burden on my broad shoulders, it means that even a charmed life such as my own comes with a lot of pressure. As I noted in the emotional confession of my struggles with the "orange dragon" of Dayquil, I'm expected to perform at a high level every day of the year. Most of you probably don't understand being in a situation where failure is not an option and no such thing as "an excuse"--while you can blame a bad work performance on a malfunctioning drive-thru speaker or a defrosting Slurpee machine a writer of my stature simply doesn't have that option.

Actually, my burden as a literary superhero is greater than the comic book variety. Most superheroes rely on the crutch of a "secret identity"--in other words, they hide behind a mask of one sort or another. The Lone Ranger has his little black mask, Spiderman his magic spider suit and Batman his cape and cowl. While these cowards hide behind the anonymity that a mask provides, I'm out there for the world to see. When I write this column every week I am truly naked--in a metaphorical sense, I mean.

Most of you are aware that Thanksgiving is a few days away. And while you're huddled in your $150 a week hotel room preparing to eat a can of potted meat, take a moment to remember the things that you should be thankful for. There are things that most people like yourself are thankful for--that 16 year old girl you "dated" hasn't called the cops, the DNA test came back negative and the 7-11 you work at hasn't been robbed in a few months. And while its important to be thankful for these trivial things, don't lose sight of what is *really* important. Every week you have the privilege and pleasure of reading the words that emanate from my brain, travel via the conduit of my laptop and the Intertubes and right in to the computer in whatever public library you sleep behind. The gifts that technology has given us are many and varied--pirated MP3's and software, free porn and online gambling, of course, but don't forget the biggest gift that you've received from the technology of the 21st century: each and every week you can enjoy the work of a writer of my stature, indeed the very *future* of fightsport journalism (TM), and it doesn't cost you a thing.

Many of you know that I grew up as a non-Mormon in Utah. And while I've had my issues from time to time with the Beehive State's dominant religion they got one thing right--arguably the most popular hymn sung in their churches is entitled "We Thank Thee, O God, for a Prophet". They show their gratitude for "the future of fightsport journalism"(TM) in song. You can feel free to demonstrate *your* gratitude in whatever manner you deem appropriate.

THE PROPHET'S THANKSGIVING PLANS:

We'll get to the MMA news in a moment, including a report on Saturday's UFC 78 and the Strikeforce card held last Friday night. First, however, I'll answer the question that's on everyone's mind: What is The Prophet doing for Thanksgiving? The answer is "whatever the hell I want". I've been divorced for a few years and one of the great myths is that holidays are somehow "hard" for me. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here's how my Thanksgivings would go back when I was married--I'd wake up at 6 AM and rush through a shower while my ex-wife yelled at me about being late. No matter how fast I got ready, she'd be pissed at me for holding up progress and sulk the entire trip. That was a problem because it really was an all day ordeal--it wasn't enough that we had to drive to her parents house which was a four hour drive, but we had to detour to see her grandmothers and any other assorted relative that happened to live along the route. We'd finally get to her parents house near sunset, I'd eat cold turkey and dressing before we left for the return trip. My ex would sleep the whole way home while I drove.

So after my divorce I approached my first Thanksgiving with some degree of trepidation--this was due to the disinformation and propaganda spewed by the Oprah's and Dr. Phil's of the world: that Thanksgiving was a "difficult" holiday for the newly divorced. And like many other myths that have been dispelled such as the one about how you shouldn't enjoy a bourbon while driving, this one was proven completely wrong. Thanksgiving morning I got up, made myself a cappuccino and fired up my first cigar of the day--an Ashton Cabinet Selection #8 if I remember correctly. It was actually cold this Thanksgiving so I lit a fire in the fireplace, and sat down in my chair with my dogs sleeping around me. I braced myself for the onset of utter misery. It never came. I soon discovered that ESPN Classic was running an 8 hour retrospective on the career of Joe Louis. I relaxed watching the career of the 2nd greatest heavyweight of all time, getting up only to get more food or to refill my drink. I was interrupted by several phone calls inviting me over for Thanksgiving dinner but this year I had the perfect excuse: "I just got divorced and holidays are sort of hard on me. I'm sure you understand". After some comforting words I was off the phone and cackling with delight at my cleverness as I returned to my chair.

After lunchtime I enjoyed my second cigar of the day, a 7 x 48 Greycliff Espresso before taking a short nap. I then took my dogs for a walk on a beautiful and brisk late fall afternoon while enjoying a Padron 1964 Anniversary Torpedo. Around sunset I returned to my chair, and spent the rest of the evening eating, drinking and relaxing. Around bedtime I put on my flannel PJs and enjoyed my final cigar of the day, a Bolivar Habana Corona I had reserved for a special occasion. And since it had been the most pleasant Thanksgiving in recent memory it was a special occasion indeed...

UFC 78 AND STRIKEFORCE PPV EVENTS

I still don't understand why the UFC is obsessed with holding live shows in flyover country. In addition to the uneducated fans they attract it encourages the organization to hold too damn many PPV events. This misguided strategy could eventually open the door for another MMA organization to make significant inroads here in the US. Instead of having fewer PPV's with higher quality of matches the UFC appears to think that they can just run out any two guys and have them fight in a cage and have millions of fans clamoring to pay $50 to watch it on PPV. If you haven't noticed, there's already a glut of MMA on television. It's kind of like poker was a few years ago when you couldn't find a station that wasn't televising a bunch of grizzled poker pros playing Texas Hold'em. Now you can't find a station where a couple of guys aren't fighting in a cage. And if yours truly, a fan of the sport, thinks there's a glut of MMA on TV you can imagine what the average Joe thinks.

The UFC *should* be emphasizing quality over quantity--holding fewer events and making them more significant. Instead they've got a reality show, a highlight show, a live fight card on free TV every few months and a PPV event seemingly every week. They've also got their fighters appearing all over the dial on non-MMA shows: Chuck Liddell was on "Entourage" last season, Forrest Griffin has a guest spot on one of the millions of "Law and Order" shows this season and no less than Randy Couture made an appearance last season on "Dancing With the Stars".

Which brings us to the latest PPV held in flyover country, UFC 78: Validation. I know that Newark, NJ isn't *technically* flyover country but it might as well be. The show should have been called UFC 78: Dilution--as in "brand dilution". It was a lackluster card on paper and lived up to that lackluster-ness on fight night. There was nothing really wrong with any of the fights, but nothing really right about them either. Few seemed worthy of PPV status, and neither of the "big fights" including the main event were "main event worthy". It would have been a passable edition of "Ultimate Fight Night" only this show cost me $50. Michael Bisping lost to Rashad Evans in the main event--it wasn't a bad fight, just not a main event fight. The latest "next big thing", Houston Alexander, was KO'd by Thiago Alves. The rest of the card was disappointing at best, a snooze-fest at worst. You know a PPV sucks when the highlight of the night is the announcement of a future fight--in this case Dan Henderson vs. Anderson Silva at UFC 82.

For some reason, the UFC seems to think its a good idea to emulate the WWE. They've got the "heel" President counterpart to Vince McMahon in Dana White. They're following the strategy that the WWF used during their early days when they saturated the airwaves with their products and had pro wrestlers appearing on every other television show. And now they're running PPV events that leave their most hard core fans feeling ripped off. Here's a prediction for 2008--one of the several well funded upstart organizations will emerge as a solid #2 and start to challenge the UFC for the dominant position in the marketplace.

There's not really much to say about the Strikeforce PPV except for another appearance by a guy who may be the most exciting fighter in MMA--Cung Le. It remains to be seen how well he's able to integrate ground fighting into his repertoire, and this could cause some trouble when he starts to step up in class. On the other hand, Cung Le may be the most devastating all around striker in MMA. In particular, the guy throws the sickest assortment of kicks you can imagine--we're talking kicks that have no name, and the type of kicks that Bruce Lee used to throw in the movies. Even if you don't consider yourself a fan of MMA its worth making the effort to watch Cung Le. He's unlike any other MMA fighter in the world and at times he's downright unbelievable.

Anyway, that's the Tuesday Tapout for this week. As always you can visit ProphetFighting.com for more MMA and boxing commentary. Have a great Thanksgiving and we'll be back next week...