SIDESHOW ALLEY: BRUCE SMITH IS A FAN OF DAVID PUDDY

by Dr. C, Chicago Bull

BRUCE SMITH EMULATES DAVID PUDDY: I'm not sure if anyone happened to catch some highlights from Saturday's game between Virginia and Virginia Tech, but two things made me pause for thought: Number 1: Why was Virginia honoring Bruce Smith, a VT alumnus? That to me would be like the Bears honoring Brett Favre in their next game coming up, despite the fact that Brett is still playing. Do you think Auburn would celebrate the college career of Bear Bryant? Hell, no. But what stunned me more was Smith's man-fur of a coat he was wearing on the sidelines. As Elaine Benes once quipped, "You all know my boyfriend, Dr. Zeus." Far be it for me to tell Bruce Smith what he should wear, but he looked like some skeezy Eastern European arms dealer in that thing. I'll have to get back to you on what Smith does for a living these days.

JESSE PALMER IS RIGHT, EVEN IF YOU THINK HE'S WRONG: During my Saturday of extensive college football watching, I happened to catch John Saunders and the former Bachelor star/douchebag doing highlights. As they're going through the different games, they start talking about Sam Bradford, and what he's done this year, taking the record for freshman QB passing TDs; here's the exchange as I best remember it:

JP: Bradford has been huge for Oklahoma this year, as he takes the record from Colt Brennan at Texas, who by the way has looked a lot better this year.

JS: You mean Colt McCoy?

JP: Yeah, Colt Brennan at Texas.

JS: I think you mean Colt McCoy.

JP: (No words, just a look on his face that says someone get me Morgan Freeman if I'm going to have an old black man sit next to me in the studio.)

ESPN has an amazing ability to pick the worst athletes for their analysts. I won't even bother going further, as Emmitt Smith has made me want to enlist in the Clandestine service to not see him again.

BRADY QUINN IS THE NEWEST DOUCHEBAG FRONTING SUBWAY: Why on earth would someone want Brady Quinn to back their product? As if that light-in-the-loafers Jared wasn't enough, Subway has chosen as spokesmen: an illegal money solicitor (Bush), a guy who was robbed in his divorce (Strahan), a guy who will most likely die from steroids and coke (Cena), and now P-tear Griffin, yeah Peter Griffin. (If you got that, good for you). If you haven't seen the commercial yet, you're in for a treat, as Quinn is in a parade on a Subway float. All I could think was why you couldn't have someone like Kellen Winslow instead, getting hungry after crashing his bike, or saying "feed me, I'm a fucking soldier!!" Tisk Tisk, Subway. Another opportunity goes to waste.

MY PLEAS ARE ANSWERED; HESTER IS FINALLY GETTING SOME NATIONAL COMMERCIALS: A couple months ago at my site, I asked aloud why Devin Hester wasn't in any commercials to this point. If you've heard Hester talk, you'd have an easy rebuttal for me considering his English is as good as my Indian friends at Sunshine Pantry in Aurora. However, you don't have to have him say anything really (examples: Nike ad campaign last year with LT, Urlacher, and Pujols, and Ocho Cinco in his newest Degree commercial). He's already cemented his case, and last night's ridiculous display only further warrants my case. Well, I was happy to read in yesterday's Chicago Tribune that Hester is finally getting offers. According to the article, Hester and his mom will be in a new Campbell's Chunky Soup commercial, and he'll also be doing a spot for the NFL Network as well. It's about damn time.