SIDESHOW ALLEY: OHIO STATE IS BACK WHERE THEY BELONG

by Dr. C, Chicago Bull

Sideshow Alley is all the things we talk about when were not discussing the odds on , or what company Peyton Manning is whoring for now. The off the field stuff. This aggression of annoyance to me the viewer will not stand.

OHIO STATE GOES DOWN, THEN CRIES ABOUT IT: I hate Ohio State with a passion. I didn't go to Illinois or Michigan, but I didn't have to to develop my hatred for the Scarlett and Gray. So what did the football team do after losing to a better Illinois team? Cry about it and try to fight like bitches. What else you would expect from such a prestigious university that graduates only 55% of its athletes. Did you see LSU go after Kentucky when they lost? How about USC in overtime when they lost to Stanford? Nope. Only Ohio State. There are a few standouts such as Troy Smith, Greg Oden, and a few others that make up for most of the program, but for the most part, if the Bubonic plague was unleashed in the U.S., I would hope Columbus be in right in it's path. You lost. Take it like men and walk off the field. You got what you deserved, and in turn you show the sports world your true colors. Way to go, Ohio State. Have fun in the Meineke Car Care Bowl, jagoffs.

Dog's Son Sells Him Out: Talk about an asshole move. Obviously we now know Duane "Dog" Chapman will not be attending the Source awards next year because of scheduling problems, but come on, selling out your own father? If you want to get back at him for some reason, handcuff him when he's asleep and piss on his face. That outta take care of you not being hugged enough. Apparently he was mad over an argument about his girlfriend that he had with Dog. Again, another be a man issue. Next time you have problem, buy a handle of Jim Beam, and drink until you can barely stand. Then punch Dog in the face and start rambling about your favorite shirt this past Christmas he used to wipe his ass with. Fight, get it over with, and move on. It's that simple.

New Eco-Citizen Campaign Feature Eli Manning: I couldn't help but laugh when I saw ole' Elisha's face on my TV yesterday. Out of anyone you could get to market your brand, you choose Eli?! What the fuck were you thinking? The ads goes: Eli Manning is unstoppable, so too his Eco-Citizen Watch. It's powered by light, so you'll never have to charge it.

Wow. Unstoppable. Definitely think that's what the Dallas defense came away with yesterday after that awesome display of greatness. 1 TD, 2 INTS. I can't decide what's worse, the idea to have Manning do the campaign, or the fact that someone actually backed it and went with it. Wrong Manning, guys.

Planet Earth on HD: I've heard a lot of buzz about the Discovery Channel's Planet Earth series, and just checked it out last night. If you haven't seen it, I would highly recommend it. They spent five years putting it together, and it was time well spent. That's all I got for you on that; the amount of description it would take to depict just how good it is would be a waste of time.

Finally, Mr. Anonymous Commenter: Where do I begin? You spend your entire pathetic day going around Blogfrica telling everyone just how much they suck. Thanks for the traffic by the way. I seriously want you to start your blog. Let's see how much dick you really suck. I could sit here and think of funny shit to demoralize the piece of shit you truly are, but I don't need to. You'll sit there and come back with more dumb shit, and the cycle never ends. So start your blog, because I'm not acknowledging you ever again. In short, kill yourself you worthless cumstain.