SIDESHOW ALLEY: YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LEBRON

by Dr. C, Chicago Bull

Welcome to my new weekly installment which will be running every Monday afternoon here. It dawned on me last week that something has been missing from EC, and it's not Lacey Peterson (too soon?) or my ethics. Oh wait... nevermind. It's the things we all talk about when were not discussing the odds on , or what company Peyton Manning is whoring for now. That's right, it's off the field stuff. This aggression of annoyance to me the viewer will not stand, man. So without further adieu, I will be issuing the following proclamations. If you have some feedback for me, feel free to go the Kelvin Sampson route and overwhelm me with it.

LeBron James Nike Campaign: You Don't Want To Be Me: No, I wouldn't want to be you at all, LeBron. I wouldn't want to be arguably the best talent in the world for basketball. I wouldn't want millions of dollars, my own shoe, or endorsement deals. Nope, not for me. I wouldn't want beautiful women around the U.S. waiting for me to spread my seed on their face like flies on an Ethiopian. "You don't want to be me, you want to be better then me". Ok last time I checked I have a 4 inch vertical and a shot even George Costanza would laugh at. So that's not going to happen. How about I just take the money and broads? Worst concept ever. Makes about as much sense Kobe doing ads for the great housekeeping staff a La Quinta can offer.

Reggie Bush Stars in NFL Go Play Initiative: I saw this last night, and I had to laugh. The commercial involves him, Jason Witten and someone else, can't remember. The last sentence says, be a player. Well who better to back that up then Reggie Bush? Speaking of backing it up, I tried to find out who the guy on the commercial was, and it's nowhere to be on NFL.com. Great concept, NFL. Advertise it then abandon it. Kinda like what you do with NFL veterans. I knew there was a pattern.

This is Our Country Chevy Campaign: Is anyone else ready to assassinate the Chevrolet marketing department? I've had all I can take of that damn song, accompanied by their cheesed out comparisons. Most dependable teammate. Most dependable carry. You can most dependably count on my changing the channel or hitting mute quicker Britney Spears goes through a bag of Cheetos after not eating for three hours. Speaking of Spears...

Tony Romo thinks he's the caulk of the walk hanging out with Spears: Ok, I know he's supposed to be gallivanting around with Sophia Bush now and stuff. But seriously, Tony WTF?! I would rather be placed in a closet packed full of people infected with Elephantitis of the balls then with her. She will do your PR no good. While I appreciate you carrying my pathetic fantasy team (anyone seen Roy Williams lately?), I think you're doing yourself a disservice. Next thing you know Tony's going show up 40 pounds overweight to training camp with a kid from Hannah Montana.

Athletes and Their Illegitimate Kids: Why doesn't Trojan or LifeStyles step up here and hire an athlete to do some safe sex promos? Look, I have no problem with athletes banging girls they meet on the road. What I do have a problem with is them leaving kids all over the US. To quote Van Wilder, "Don't be a fool, wrap up your tool".