SKIP BAYLESS IS A MASTER DEBATER

by Ray, Flyers Fieldhouse

Are you enjoying Skip Bayless being the newest host of the Budweiser Hot Seat? I know I am. In the absence of a wife, I need to be reminded two or three times a week while waking up that I'm an idiot. Thank goodness Skip has invaded the morning SportsCenter.

I find it impossible to believe that Skip really believes what he says. There is no way one man can be so backwards, so cynical, so contrarian. And yet, there he is every few days, spewing more nonsensical garbage that makes you pound the remote. That's not even hyperbole. I've literally slammed the remote on the couch numerous times watching him be so adamant about things that are so clearly wrong. I truly believe Skip Bayless will enter the top ten causes of death in the United States by the end of the decade.

His latest aneurysm-inducing stint was this morning, where he talked with at Todd McShay about the Missouri-Oklahoma game on Saturday. Let's look at the screaming points proffered by Skip this go-round.

1. "I am shocked that Oklahoma is favored over #1 Missouri."
Because a supposed failsafe BCS computer ranking system that is, in fact, heavily affected by human error will clearly be the deciding factor in Vegas' lines. I forgot that YOU have the skyscrapers and neon lights towering in your backyard, Skip. How dare they go against form? Don't they know that logic as we know it is at stake? If #1 isn't truly #1, then what are we to believe? Oh, right. Oklahoma beat them last month.

2. "Who was winning after three quarters? Missouri was."
You're right. Missouri netted more goals than Oklahoma in three periods, making them the clear winner. Oh, this wasn't hockey? You mean Oklahoma annihilated them in the fourth quarter, making them the REAL winner? Interesting. If Les Miles' rant about never losing in regulation this season was ill-conceived, Skip's three quarters rationale is the type of speak that sets America back five years. We are all dumber after hearing that. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

3. "I've watched every minute of Oklahoma this season and they have not impressed."
Call me a pessimist, but I find that hard to believe. Of every team that could contend for the national championship, you decided to watch every minute of Oklahoma? Even against North Texas, Utah State, and Tulsa? They lost in Week 5 and didn't enter the title picture again until late in the season. Whereupon they promptly lost again. Yet you still stuck with them and watched every minute? I know the storied Vanderbilt-Oklahoma rivalry burns bright red in your Commodore blood, but this seems a bit far-fetched.

4. "You're placing too much emphasis on tradition and not enough on the present day."
Oklahoma beat Missouri. Oklahoma beat Missouri. Oklahoma won. Missouri lost. Missouri scored less points than Oklahoma in head-to-head battle. Oklahoma was victorious. Oklahoma beat Missouri. Missouri was defeated by Oklahoma. OKLAHOMA BEAT MISSOURI.

Pardon me while I crap in a box and mail it to Skip, because that's effectively what he did to my brain this morning.

5. "You're lucky because I'm letting you off the Budweiser Hot Seat."
You're letting Todd McShay off the Budweiser Hot Seat. Like you're doing him a freaking favor. Judging by the look on his face, he's actually enjoying making you look like a retard on national television. If you want to keep him on that hot seat, I'm guessing he'd be perfectly content with sticking around and beating you behind the woodshed for a few more minutes.

In fact, the Budweiser Hot Seat should be a half-hour show, in which strangers picked up off the street are put on the air live to battle with Skip. I'd gladly sit down and watch drifters school Bayless before peacing out with a hearty "Fuck you."

Those drifters speak for all of us. Eff you, Skip.