THINGS THAT MAKE ME ANGRY

by T, The Angry T

1. Drug Testing on the PGA and LPGA Tours – I agree it is necessary to police your game and be proactive about things like steroids. If baseball or football had employed this strategy maybe we wouldn’t have to question every record that we see fall. With that being said, I find two things very hard to believe.

First, I find it hard to believe that anyone in golf, besides Woody Austin, is on steroids.

Second, and most importantly, I am not sure how steroids could help you in golf.

The Top 10 driving distance list is littered with terrible golfers. Not one of those guys won an event on the PGA tour last year. Which is why is say let them do all the 'roids they want. They can’t really even call these things performance enhancers on tour, because they would actually make you worse. Your short game would most likely suffer. Not to mention your testicles would shrink which would make you less desirable to the opposite sex, which would lower your confidence, which would make you useless on short putts. It’s a vicious cycle that I would love to see John Daly endure, then break out of. Feel good story of 2008.

2. The Sports Media (including myself and this site) – ESPN and SI both have Phil Jackson's “insensitive” gay comments as a top story on their main Web page. Are you serious fellas? Is this even close to news? Would this have been news if we would have said, “"We call this a Hardcore Porn game, because there's so much penetration and kickouts," Jackson said. "It was one of those games."

Probably not, and therein lies the problem. Brokeback Mountain was about two dudes boning, hence the “penetration” to which Phil refers. Is it a joke? Of course. Is it a funny joke? Debatable. But you really can’t argue that there is penetration in Brokeback Mountain and in this basketball game, so where did Phil go wrong? Of course the NBA comes out immediately to apologize and smooth it over with the 10s of gay NBA fans and the thousands of gay WNBA fans. Besides the bad joke and unless I don’t understand what he meant by “kick-outs,” I don’t think Phil said anything wrong, but as always the front pages needed to be filled with something, and it may as well be “insensitive” gay comments.

3. Players Who Spit – Is there more of a bitch move than spitting in someone’s face? I don’t know if Preston Smith actually spat on Pat White, but if he did, he is a huge bitch. I doubt he did, because with a good blue-blood, old money name like Preston Smith, I think he has a little more class.

Why do people spit though? To disrespect the person you spit on? Why don’t you hit them if you hate them so much? You know why you pussy spitter, because you are a bitch. Robbie Alomar? Bitch. Bill Romanowski? Steroid User. Bitch. Star of the coming of age tale Weiners. Anyone else I am missing is probably a bitch.

So the next time you even think about spitting on someone, remember the consequences. First, you grow a vagina, and if you already have a vagina, you grow balls on top of your vagina. Then your family will disown you, partially because of the vagina, but mostly because you spit. Then you get ostracized by society, become a pariah, and you are forced to make low-budget Weiner Mobile flicks and play a gay cowboy trucker. Sound like a life you are interested in? Didn’t think so, so don’t spit.