TOP 10 CAUTIONARY LESSONS FOR KIDS FROM THE LIFE OF RICKY WILLIAMS

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Please also note that the Dolphins may get a fresh Ricky back in time for their game against the Patriots in Week 15, so this may all be part of the International Conspiracy to Keep the Patriots from Achieving Perfection, also known as ICKPAP.

10. When someone who looks like Mike Ditka asks you to wear a dress, just say no (this also goes for the girls)

9. People who scream out their opinions in public at the NFL Draft may not be very smart

8. If things start going very badly for you in this country, there's always Canada

7. You can do great things in college, but no one is going to care about that once you are in the real world

6. Don't let Master P negotiate your contract

5. If someone is interviewing you, you should take off your helmet and look them in the eye, even if you don't really want to

4. If you smoke weed and call it "holistic medicine," it's still smoking weed

3. If you listen to people like Joe Theismann long enough, you may also become a braying jackass

2. If you have social anxiety disorder, are a vegan, have addiction issues and are a PETA supporter, maybe you should have just stuck with baseball instead of football, really

1. If you want to have a nearly unlimited number of chances at life and the constant forgiveness of people who think you can help them later, and want to avoid the jail time that would be due if you were an ordinary schmuck, you need to be very, very good at a major league sport, and have your rights owned by a team with no better option