TOP 11 IRRITATING NFL FAN TYPES

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

And no, this one isn't just a ranking of backers of the Patriots, Cowboys, Eagles, Raiders, Redskins, Giants, Jets, Bears, Colts, Broncos and Niners. (Hey, wait a minute, didn't he just...)

11. The Color Analyst. "Jeez, I hate these announcers. Want to just put the game on mute?" Sure... and after you agree, you'll discover that nature, and this guy, abhors a vacuum.

Advantage: You might not hate the network guys so much anymore.

Disadvantage: The next three hours will pass like a kidney stone.

10. Mr. Today. "Hey, did you see how AJ Feeley played last week? The Eagles should definitely play him over McNabb. And the Steelers struggled with the Dolphins. They must not be good anymore."

Advantages: Easy to take money from in bets.

Disadvantages: Dominates talk radio, chat rooms, and the more reptilian parts of your brain.

9. Closet Racist. "Vince Young has been terrible for the Titans. They'd be better off with Kerry Collins. And there's no way that Culpepper is better than McNown, or McNabb over Feeley. And another thing. What is the deal with all of these uppity wide receivers..."

Advantages: In all likelihood, will be dead soon. And his pickup truck can come in handy.

Disadvantage: Everything else.

8. Wrestling Fan. "KILL HIM! KILL HIM! KILL HIM! Why don't they just kill that guy, rather than let him scramble around like that? If I were an NFL player, I'd just snap his leg like a twig!"

Advantages: All bark, no bite.

Disadvantage: Persistent headaches. Catch phrases. Contagious stupidity.

7. Line Man. "This game was entirely lost because of the right tackle. He didn't have the proper technique to pick up the stunt. Look at his footwork here, it's all wrong, and he doesn't turn his hips to..."

Advantage: More effective than a sedative, and available without a prescription.

Disadvantage: He's probably right.

6. Conspiracy Theorist. "Look at what the refs called there! You know why he called that? He's in the bag! The league hates our guys! And so do the networks, with this flex schedule thing, and the bookies - they've all got their money on the other team. And these announcers are so biased..."

Advantages: Tin foil hats are surprisingly festive, and easy to make.

Disadvantage: After Tim Donaghy, tin foil is in.

5. Heartless Fantasy. "Sure, I love my team, but... I need a big game from my running back in this game to make the playoffs, and..."

Advantages: In their heart of hearts, you and they both know they are going to hell.

Disadvantage: In your heart of hearts, you know they are not going alone.

4. Premature Kiper. "The team definitely needs help in the secondary. I'm hoping that they draft Player X from School Y. He's got a 42-inch vertical leap, great size and speed and..."

Advantages: You might learn something.

Disadvantage: What you'll learn is that 24/7/365 NFL fandom is really irritating. Watch the freaking game that's in front of you!

3. Gadget Coach. "You know what they should do here? Flea flicker, with a reverse. You'd totally catch them off guard, and with their defense, I think they'd bite on it. (Incomplete, fourth down.) They should fake punt here. There's no way that they'd be expecting that..."

Advantages: He's probably great in Madden.

Disadvantages: Wants to play you in Madden.

2. Super Bowl Baby. "I don't care about winning the division, or even if they win a playoff game or two. This team, this year, if they don't win the Super Bowl, the whole year was a waste. A freaking waste."

Advantages: Almost always loses, almost always miserable, and its kind of fun to see Baby not get what they want.

Disadvantage: If he roots for your team, you're suffering too. And you might not want to root for your team.

1. Bandwagon Bastard. "I didn't use to root for my team, but once they got Player X and started winning, I just had to get on board. The way they play the game..."

Advantages: You can more or less maim, torture and kill them without fearing a guilty judgment from a jury of your peers.

Disadvantages: The law doesn't work like that, and they probably have more fun watching football than you do. Also, there is no guarantee that they will, in fact, go to hell for it.

Add your own in the comments...