Epic Carnival: TOP 20 WAYS THE TV WRITERS STRIKE COULD IMPACT THE NFL

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

TOP 20 WAYS THE TV WRITERS STRIKE COULD IMPACT THE NFL

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

The recent strike by the television writers union has already shut down late night television talk shows, as well as production on scripted dramas. How could the work stoppage affect this week's NFL coverage?

20. Taped pre-game features on Fox replaced by Terry Bradshaw concert on the ol' banjo

19. Kenny Mayne's "Mayne Event" comedy segment on ESPN now consists of his hilarious outtakes from auto insurance commercials

18. Frank Caliendo's pre-game game predictions are now done with a dartboard, blindfold and drum roll while chuckling in the laughs of his various characters

17. "Game Break" and halftime highlight video narration reduced to "On this play, there was a touchdown" for all clips

16. Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person in the NFL" segment changed to "Worst Person in the Technical Crew"

15. Chris Berman's dated referential nicknames dramatically changed to gangsta rap songs and porn star names

14. Shannon Sharpe now erudite, humble, and with perfect grammar

13. Chris Mortensen just recycling rumors from earlier in the year, and changing the name of "Michael Vick" to some practice squad guys that no one has heard of

12. Dan Marino's cold, dead glare at the empty teleprompter will haunt your dreams and become an instant YouTube classic

11. MNF "Pardon the Interruption" segment still without pardon, now also without interruption

10. Sideline reporters will actually ask questions

8. "Walking around the fake playing field" segment replaced by spirited game of two hand touch

7. NBC uses "Flex" schedule plan to put games on every night of the week

6. MNF booth now has a full game worth of celebrity pop-ins

5. John Madden's commentary starts to sound suspiciously like the video game

4. Phil Simms forgets to speak with a redneck accent

3. Emmitt Smith starts to make sense

2. Cris Collinsworth no longer looks smarter than anyone else

1. Longer segments of forced and soul-crushingly fake laughter

7 comment(s):

Anonymous said...

Twenty more reasons why you're a douche.

More Credible said...

I think you have a stalker David...

Anonymous said...

IM IN UR BASSEE STEELIN UR NOOBS!!

ALL UR BASE R BELONG TO US!

DMtShooter said...

There's nothing wrong with Anonymous that a few Midols can't fix. And, of course, a good cry.

Dr. C said...

I can't wait for monday to come to express my feelings towards Mr. Anonymous Petco Sales Associate.

Andrew said...

...

Anonymous said...

It's going to take you over the weekend to think up "snappy" comebacks. Or is the real reason because you begin the surgery on your "transformation" from man to woman?


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