WHAT THE HELL... BRUCE PEARL?

by Mike, The Pig Pen

According to the stats, this sick man and his unusual, and nearly useless talent, has been viewed more than 500,000 times. His ability to contrive classic songs with no instruments at all is without a doubt a talent that shouldn't go unnoticed. Clearly, a talent such as this one won't make you a millionaire, nor will it get you laid. After this lonely man realized his uniqueness would never translate into the success he was looking for, and long after masturbation became an after meal tradition, he finally decided to coach SEC basketball.

Say hello to Bruce Pearl (or a loser in Bruce Pearl's body) after the jump.

After the first few weeks of You Tube magic, he decided to purchase those speakers and the wrist microphone in an effort to boost his product and, sadly, his morale. Still no money. And still, no pussy. That's when the struggling Volunteer basketball team decided to give a struggling manualist a shot at a dream. A shot at making it. It might not be the mentally deranged rock-star fantasy he's been creaming over for the past 27-years, but it's a shot. And at the time that's all that Pearl, and Pearl's three worn down blow-up dolls he called his hookers, wanted. It's been three years since Pearl was displaced from his semen-soaked couch in his basement. Just two years removed from breast-feeding, and, to his delight, Volunteer basketball is on the rise.

Should Tennessee men's basketball return to playing second fiddle to Pat Summit and the women's team like they did during the 90's, don't be surprised if you see Pearl riding the street corner in Nashville looking for a music career.