THE BEER TENT: BOUNCING AROUND FOR THE HOLIDAYS

by dswinder, Sons of Sam Malone

Here at Epic Carnival, we meet weekly under The Beer Tent to shoot the shit. I, dswinder, will be the ringleader, but you can join in on the discussion every Tuesday at 3ish.

I would like to first start with an apology -- The Beer Tent was not, as a scattered few already noticed, up at its scheduled time the day before today, some may call it yesterday, but all my troubles seem so far away... Moving on. You see, it's amazing how much time final papers on the media's involvement in something as significant as genocide can take. But now, I am finished, and I am here to fulfill my duty of moderating the shooting of feces promised in the top paragraph/description/thing in italics that nobody reads.

Since I'm somewhat lazy, and completely blanco on what to opine about for 600 to 1,000 words, today, I'm just going to hop around briefly to a number of stories. Seeing as I'm basically Father Christmas: The College Years -- which is, by the way, waaaaaaay better than when Saved by the Bell tried to pull that shit off... but again, I digress -- you can expect some tie into the Holiday season in every post through the Navidad. So expect Christmas references, some eggnog, and a squirrel in your tree, but definitely don't get your hopes up for a Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle. I mean, you'd shoot your eye out. Ho ho ho, let's start the show...

I'm wondering how LSU plans to share their SEC and impending National Championship trophies with Erik Ainge. After all, the guy did hand them the SEC Championship game and a trip to New Orleans. How in the hell does a quarterback who has started the better part of four seasons decide to throw directly to the other team, not once, but twice? It takes a special kind of stupidity. What kind that is, I'm not yet sure of. Congrats Erik! Click the link for the first of the two aneurysms.

Jason Whitlock is kinda sorta the man. Love him, hate him, never heard of him? The man can write, and the man ain't scurred to call 'em as he sees 'em. His piece last week, sparked by the death of Sean Taylor, really has some up in arms. But the man makes some good points. I encourage you to check it out.

The Nationals must really want to be on the Naughty List next year. Come on! Elijah Dukes and Dmitri Young can't be on the same team. Pregnant teenagers, empty vodka bottles, and battered women will litter the floor of Washington's clubhouse. This is not a good idea. Are you trying to be like the Bengals?

It's time for Detroit fast food chain franchise owners to celebrate. Miggy is in town, and he's bringing a Dontrelle with him. Not only are the Tigers trading away their future and picking up a big bat along with a pitcher that used to be good, but Detroit should reap the added benefits of good juju being brought into the clubhouse. Now, all the Tigers need is to bring in a wiry Asian in the mold of Taka Tanaka.

I defy anyone to beat me at Elf Bowling. What's that? Oh, what's my high score? Ah, well, I'd say about 1,000 more than your highest, you cotton headed ninny muggins.

I'm not really seeing the big deal here, but apparently, Samari Rolle (the cornerback, not the sushi) does not like being called a boy. Are you kidding me?! Way to make a big deal out of nothing because you lost, Samari. Maybe you should think about growing up, BOY!

Travis Henry gets to play football again. Yay! The man that really enjoys fathering children has been cleared to finish out the season after appealing a one year suspension for violating the league's substance abuse policy. I'm thrilled for Travis. Now, he's sure to be able to afford Christmas gifts for his 1,009 minus 1,000 chilluns.

And finally... After finishing my forever long paper into the media's involvement with the crisis in Darfur, I feel the need to encourage everyone to head on over to SaveDarfur.org. Sign up. Donate money. Buy a t-shirt or bracelet. How do I plan to tie this into sports? Um, I don't know. How about you imagine I'm a single-balled, seven-time Tour de France winner telling you to buy a bracelet. That good enough for ya?

That's all I've got for this week, but you can be about 50% certain that I'll be back in my scheduled slot next week. BUT, I do have finals, so if I'm not, I'll see ya when I see ya.

Hasta whenever!