FROM THE WCMTSU FILE: CROSS-DRESSING PITCHERS & FUNERAL SCHWAG (UPDATED)

by DCScrap, Editor

Sometimes there are days where there is not a single piece of news worth reporting. And then there are days like this. Days where there are so many crazy things happening it's like the sports humans are just doing stuff on purpose to give us material. (By the way, WCMTSU stands for We Can't Make This Shit Up.)

First, from Page Six comes this story...

At the opening of Touch nightclub on Thursday, Mets' pitcher John Maine approached a twentysomething clubgoer and offered her several hundred dollars to try on her dress.

You read that right. Maine asked a lady at the shindig if he could try on her dress. Now it's not masturbating on camera, but it is still a bit off-center. And if you think this story was created out of whole cloth (or satin as the case may be), think again.

The Virginia-born ball-hurler later approached PageSix.com and asked to test-drive our frock as well. “I’m John Maine. I pitch for the Mets! I’m a hot piece of ass!” he kept repeating. He claimed that he was on his way to a drag party later that night.

“Come on, I’ll give you $200 to try on your dress,” he begged. “Just to take a picture. It’ll be fun.”

Wow. Just... wow. Next year's fantasy baseball draft is gonna be fun when his name comes up for bid.

Our second item up for bid is, well, an item up for bid.

Some cretin who just pulled himself out of the primordial ooze has put the program from Sean Taylor's funeral up for bid. Dude is just asking to be hit by a Freightliner the next time he crosses the street. Says the seller:

This is going to be a REALLY RARE item. There were only about 2000 of these handed out at Sean Taylor's Funeral on 12/3/2007.

Did I already say, "Wow. Just... wow"? And if that's not enough to send this person straight to hell, read on...

The bulk of those 2000 handed out, went mostly to family and friends, NFL players and staff, UM players (former and current) and other people in the reserved are in the lower section.

The rest of the people (general public) MAYBE got their hands on a couple hundred of these, so you may NEVER get another chance to get one.

And you may never get another chance for good karma, buddy.

Like I said, we just can't make this shit up. Amazing.

UPDATE: Even though "we" can't make this stuff up, apparently someone else can. It seems it was an imposter posing as John Maine asking to try on women's dresses at this party. Thanks to Nyjer Please for the heads-up!