GIFTS FOR SPORTS FANS

by ETVal, Valentine's Views On Sports

It's the holidays, and that means it's gift-giving time. Let's run through a list of gifts we can give to sports fans. Here goes:

• For New York Knicks fans: Booing doesn't work. Chanting 'Fire Isiah' doesn't work. It seems no matter what fans try, owner James Dolan won't get rid of Coach/GM Isiah Thomas. So, let's try this. Thomas and Dolan voodoo dolls, so that at least Knicks fans' can get some enjoyment from torturing these two embarrassments to the franchise.

• For Florida Marlins fans: A real major league team, instead of the AA squad they will have to suffer with this season. In lieu of that, the good sense not to bother going to the ballpark.

• For Michigan football fans: Someone, anyone who is willing to take the school's coaching job. Any takers? C'mon, somebody out there with some Pop Warner experience has to be looking for a job.
  

• For New York Giants fans: A sense of perspective. The Giants are 9-4 and headed for their third straight playoff appearance. Yet, Giants' fans are still moaning. Eli Manning is no good! It's a really ugly 9-4! Tom Coughlin still isn't a very good coach! They can't beat the really good teams! Geesh, there are a lot of NFL teams who would settle for the problems the Giants have.
  

• For Boston Celtics fans: A point guard to complete the team they hope will return the Celtics to championship glory. As good as Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen are, I can't see Boston winning it all with Rajon Rondo at the point.

• For Miami Dolphins fans: Umm ... well ... umm ... ahh, forget it. It's impossible to figure out one thing to give to a fan of the team that has nothing.

• For Cleveland Cavaliers fans: A Jason Kidd doll to pair with their LeBron James doll. The Cavs will never win unless they get help for LeBron. Kidd is getting older, and will never win in New Jersey. It makes sense.

• For New York Yankees fans: Patience. You wanted Phil Hughes, Joba Chamberlain and Ian Kennedy to be part of your rotation, and it looks like you'll get it. Now, do you have the patience not to go crazy and start calling for everybody to be traded, demoted or fired the first time one of those kids gets knocked out in the 2nd inning? You're gonna need it, because it's gonna happen.

• For Boston sports fans: Some humble pie. You've got the Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics dominating their sports. Shoot, even the Bruins are good. You guys do remember losing, right? Bill Buckner? Bucky Dent? Bad teams coached by M.L. Carr? You guys need a bad team to keep you grounded.