I'M CALLING YOU OUT, SENATOR MITCHELL

by WCT, The Ship of Fools

“Calling You Out!” is a periodic segment where WCT takes people to task for irresponsible journalism, foolhardy activities, or just general douchebaggery. Nothing is sacred, no one is spared, watch your ass mister! You could be next!

You want to know who I am calling out today? None other then Senator George Mitchell.

No, I am like one of these jerk-off former players (like John Kruk) who are pissed that he named names. In fact, just the opposite, I was looking forward to reading the names. We were all told that the Mitchell Report was going to pull back the curtain on steroid abuse in baseball in the 90s and 00s. We were told that several prominent current and former baseball players would be implicated. We were promised a laundry list of our favorite players. We were assured that we would be shocked, SHOCKED, by some of the names that would appear. I was even further pumped when, at work, I saw that CNBC of all networks had a countdown in the corner of the screen leading up to the release of the report. A bombshell was going to be dropped that would rock the baseball world from here to eternity. And then...

Nothing.

This was the big bombshell? These were the shocking revalations? If you are a baseball fan, as I am, tell me, honestly, were you even slightly surprised by even one of the names you read?

Admittedly, my eyebrows turned up a bit when I read Andy Pettitte's name. But then I remembered that he and Roger Clemens were workout buddys, and that all made sense.

Lets just take a closer look at the list of names that Senator Mitchell took almost two years and $20 million to compile:

First, there were the big-time all-star caliber players he mentioned:

Barry Bonds - Thanks Senator. Helluva job you're doing.
Gary Sheffield - This is some good sleuthin'!
Jason Giambi - He admitted to it and you met with him! Why was he even on the list?
Roger Clemens - Thanks again. Jason Grimsley gave us his name two years ago.

Then there were the guys we all knew anyway:

Eric Gagne - The guy goes from throwing 100mph and saving 80 games in a row, to throwing 88 and completely unable to get major league hitters out. Well done.
Kevin Brown - One nagging injury after another for his entire career. Tip o' the hat to you.
Miguel Tejada - Raffy Palmiero said that he passed out "B-12" shots in the Oriole's clubhouse two years ago.
John Rocker - When you look up "'roid rage" in the dictionary you find pictures like this.
Bobby Estalella - Are you kidding? This guy almost burst through his uni like the "Incredible Hulk." He did everything but catch without a goddam chest protector and block balls in the dirt with his pecs.
Lenny Dykstra - Wasn't that entire '93 Phillies team on the juice? Have you seen Darren Daulton interviewed lately?

Then there were the scores of anonymous, fringe major leaguers who used the juice to remain in the show. Thanks Senator. I'm sure CNBC broke into financial news to tell the world that Marvin Benard and Josias Manzinillo may have possibly taken steroids, maybe.

The only time I really got excited was when I was reading the bottom line on ESPN and saw "Yankees 3B Alex Rodriguez--" (GASP!! Holy Shi..) "--agrees to his 10-year contract" (DAMMIT!!)

I don't know about you, but I feel cheated. I wanted some real dirt. And I didn't get it.