MY DOG ATE IT?

by Isaac, The World of Isaac

You'll have to excuse my delay in posting, my dog ate my laptop.

Yeah, I know thats impossible but I don't care. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

Thanks to Jonathon Papelbon, the "my dog ate it" excuse has resurfaced. And now, several athletes are stepping forward with claims of their dog eating important artifacts.

Shawn Kemp, in a candid interview with the Seattle Times was quoted as saying:

"....After I fathered my third child, I thought maybe I should just step back and look at what I was doing with my life. But then a couple of days later, I was bending this chick over a chair after a huge win against the Blazers(I dropped 30 that night). She asked me why I wasn't using a rubber. I told her it just didnt feel right baby but the real reason was that my damn dog had eaten my box of condoms. I swear!"

Pete Rose, in his fourth tell-all with 60 minutes said:

"...I know I have written books and finally come clean with my gambling. But I still never bet against my team. Never! In fact, when John Dowd asked me to produce evidence, I still had my betting slips from all those games when I was manager. I left them lying around with my stack of cash on the coffee table. When the feds raided my house, they brought in their search dogs and they chewed up all my evidence. It was the dogs I tell ya!"

Shaquille O'Neal, talked with Craig Sager recently during the Heat-Cavs game on his poor performance this season.

".....Craig, I was going real well in the off-season. Got the divorce and really started working out. Started using Richard Simmons "Sweatin to the Oldies 2" cause it was easy on my joints. I was down to about 350 and then my stupid bitch ex-wife comes over to get her stuff and she brings over her ugly ass poodle. We start arguing and the poodle starts going through my stuff and he rips up my exercise tape..... I just haven't been able to recover from it Craig. Damn poodle!"

OJ Simpson, in a jailhouse interview re-visits the night his wife was killed:

"In my book...did you buy it by the way? Anyways, "If I did it" this is how it happened. After I hypothetically stabbed that bitch and her lover several times in the neck and in the face, God I hated that ho. Oh yea, I mean hypothetically hated here. I went back home and took off the bloody glove. The real bloody glove wasn't discovered by that stupid hick Mark Furman, the real bloody glove was buried by my dog in the backyard. They were just too stupid to suspect the dog. Kato had nothing to do with it. Hell, the dog was smarter than Kato."

Stephon Marbury sat down with ESPNs Scoop Jackson and talked about the evidence he was going to blackmail Coach Isiah Thomas with.

"Everybody thinks Coach was sexually harassing Saunders but thats not what happened. In the practice facility one day I peeked in and saw Coach in his uniform, you know those ones from the 80s that ride up real short. And Anucha was in a Michael Jordan jersey spanking Isiah. Saying something like, "You freezed me out in the '85 all star game, didnt you?. Apologize now!" Isiah just kept laughing and he was loving every minute of it. It was really weird man. I told him what I saw and he signed a contract saying I could do whatever I wanted this year. The night I was banging that intern, the dog got into my stuff and ate the damn contract... Sent that dog to my buddy Mike Vick not too long after that"