THE PATRIOTS VS. HISTORY

by Ray, Flyers Fieldhouse

Sometimes ESPN can just be so ridiculous. Why even waste all of our time at this point in the season debating whether the New England Patriots will go 19-0? It's futile. It's senseless. We all immediately know the answer to such a preposterous query.

Of course they will. For they are the Patriots, and everyone else is not. Sean Salisbury taught me this.

I think the real question at hand is this: Are the New England Patriots the single greatest collection of human beings ever assembled? I mean, like, EVER. At least going back to 1920 or something, which I think was when books were invented.

What's clear is they are certainly in the running. Let's take a brief look at the competition facing the 2002-2007 New England Patriots.

MONGOL EMPIRE, 1206 - 1405
Beginning within the modest confines of present day Mongolia and growing to an eventual 12 million square miles, you could say the Genghis Khan was a downright Belichickian leader. The Mongols were highly enlightened for the time, as evidenced by their practice of religious freedom hundreds of years before its adoption across other advanced cultures.

The Mongols, however, were never so enlightened as to develop a scheme to stop the Greatest Show on Turf in their heyday. Pats win.

ROMAN EMPIRE, 31 B.C. - 476 A.D.
The Romans left quite a legacy that impacts our lives in ways he hardly even notice. Sort of like Tom Brady! You probably haven't even noticed he has you pregnant yet. Our modern calendar was developed during Roman rule, which may have gone until 2002 (or would it be 1?) without being invented had they not done it, at which point Robert Kraft would have put it together. The Romans also developed a highly complicated system of roads, which influenced how cities across the world were planned.

And even though the longevity of the Roman Empire was rather impressive, 500 years of dominance over Europe, the Middle East, some of Africa, and even some of Asia Minor, pales in comparison to six years of dominance in the modern day NFL. You don't even know how tough it is in the NFL these days. For Christ's sake, the Romans never even saw a 46 defense! Pats win.

OTTOMAN EMPIRE, 1299 - 1922
Sometimes viewed as the bastard Islamic stepchild of the Roman and Byzantine empires, the key to the Ottomans' success was breadth of coverage. With power spanning three continents, including lands in Northern Africa, all over Eastern Europe, and the Middle East, you could say the Ottoman Empire played a conservative Cover 2 over a good portion of the Eastern hemisphere. You might have chipped away at the Ottoman Empire, but you were never going to beat them with the big play.

Anyone worth his weight in kurus knows that conservative play is for the weak and feeble-minded. And the Bills. Going conservative will get you just far enough to be instantly forgotten. There's no flair, no panache. Give me turnovers and quick points off said turnovers. Give me complicated blitz packages. You want to know why the Ottomans are the least memorable empire on this list? Because of their girly coordinators. That's why. Pats win.

GERMANY, 1939 - 1945
Now this was a team that Patriots fans could identify with. Stout defense. An offense that capitalizes on weakness. Intolerance of other races. Yes sir, this is Boston all the way.

Ultimately, Hitler outkicked his coverage in his decision to invade Russia. Poor special teams will kill you every time. Pats win.

Using the unassailable logic that ESPN has always adopted that asserts that recency is the most important factor in determining the hierarchy of greatness, it's exceedingly obvious that the Patriots are the greatest dynasty of all-time. I, for one, welcome our new pigskin overlords.