THE PROPHET'S TUESDAY TAPOUT: SANTA COMES DOWN THE CHIMNEY EDITION

by The Prophet, ProphetFighting

Welcome to another edition of The Prophet's Tuesday Tapout. Honestly, there's nothing going on in the fightsport world at the moment. Instead, I'll try to bring some Christmas cheer into your otherwise dreary lives. Besides, its good to have some time to reflect and relax since the new year promises to be a busy one. I've got a hunch that it won't just be business as usual but that the sh*t will really hit the fan in both MMA and boxing. It'll definitely be a busy year for me as I'll be the mack daddy at a new, high concept MMA site called The Savage Science. It'll be brought to you by the same folks that brought you the best boxing site on the Internet, The Sweet Science. Actually, it'll be brought to you by me, my big Samoan attorney and whatever other hangers on I deem necessary and they'll be paying for it. It'll make the current crop of MMA magazines and websites look like "My Weekly Reader". So don't be stupid and fall behind the curve--add The Savage Science as one of your MySpace friends. You can spare a spot between the semi nude underage girls so click this link... THE SAVAGE SCIENCE @ MYSPACE

The picture this week is from our Prophet Fighting/Savage Science combined Christmas party. This is Heather from our secretarial pool spreading her... uh... spreading some Christmas cheer by decorating our office tree. Anyway, unlike most lazy sports journalists I'm not going to phone in a column recapping what happened in 2007. This week at least. And I'm not going to give you a tired essay on what Christmas means to me--we went over that this past Thanksgiving. Just read that and substitute "Christmas" for "Thanksgiving". Instead, I'm just going to ramble on for a few more paragraphs and put this edition in the bag.

THE PROPHET--COMING SOON TO A CITY NEAR YOU?

Actually probably not--since I'm not looking to live in a trailer park, a refrigerator box under a freeway overpass or become incarcerated its doubtful that I'll end up anywhere near you. In fact, I'll be doing as much demographic research as possible to make sure that I don't. We will, however, be relocating our offices from here in Columbia, SC to a larger city more suitable to my status as the future of fightsport journalism(TM). And while this will obviously be a blow to the economy of the South Carolina midlands--I know that once we vacate the 7 floors we occupy in a large downtown office building that the bank will likely have to foreclose on them--its a boon to wherever we move our traveling roadshow. Keep in mind that when you're the future of fightsport journalism (TM) the relocation process isn't as easy as when you people do it, which probably looks more like the opening credits of "The Beverly Hillbillies" than anything else. And while you're told where you can and cannot live--eg: not within 2000 feet of a school, day care or community center--I've got cities from all over the world offering tax breaks, economic incentives, hookers, drugs and out and out bribes to relocate there.

We'll make an announcement very soon and will set a date to break ground on the Savage Science tower. If you want to have your city or community make a bid here's what you should do--find someone who can read and get them to look in the phonebook for your city's "Office of Economic Development". Some of the cities in the running have gone through their state or local film commission because, well, let's face it--I *am* that big of celebrity. Actors and movie stars or what have you are a dime a dozen but there's only one "future of fightsport journalism"(TM). Before you go to the trouble and spend any of your state taxpayer's dollars here are my requirements:

THE PROPHET'S RELOCATION REQUIREMENTS

1) It's got to be a decent sized city. Columbia is the smallest city I've ever lived in. It's got a population of 110,000 and a metro area of right around 700k. If your city isn't bigger than that you might as well not bother, unless you're representing a swanky beachfront or ski resort town.

2) It's got to have a lot of first rate restaurants, lounges and nightclubs because that's how I roll...

3) Preferably it should be a town where I don't have to drive everywhere. I'm not a hippie or an environmentalist but I hate having to drive around town running random errands. I don't have an issue with walking, cabs, public transportation or what have you but I don't want to be in a place like Los Angeles where I have to drive everywhere.

4) It's got to have a good assortment of hot chicks of all ages, types, ethnicities, etc. That's one of my gripes about Columbia--the chicks are either young college age types or if they're over the age of 30 they're bitter single moms or secretaries. Now I'm fortunate and thankful that I can still pull girls in their 20's but it would be nice to have some hot women closer to my age, be they MILF's, Cougars, or what have you.

5) I guess it might as well have at least a nominal relationship with the sport of MMA. This point is negotiable, especially in the case of beach or ski resort towns or for towns with a lot of hot broads.

6) The weather shouldn't be brutal. Now, I grew up in Utah and actually like snow but it has to be somewhere with mountains so you can ski and stuff. My real gripe weather-wise is hot, humid summers like we have here in South Carolina.

7) Flyover country towns need not apply--nothing personal against flyover country, but ask yourself this: how often does Jay-Z, Puffy, Jack Nicholson, Jeremy Pivin or other "A-listers" roll in your town? If your answer is "not very damn often" I think my point is made abundantly clear. Even if your city/town isn't overrun with A-listers it should be a place where they wouldn't be embarrassed to be seen.

Those are the only real requirements I can think of for now. If your city wants to make a bid contact me here at the Epic Carnival and I'll get my people to call your people.

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS

We'll be back with some actual fight sport news, well, as soon as they do something newsworthy in either sport. New Year's Eve weekend is actually a HUGE one in the fightsport world with the UFC running a pay-per-view on 12/29 featuring a couple of big fights including Georges St. Pierre vs. Matt Hughes and the long awaited (*too* long awaited IMO) meeting between Wanderlei Silva and Chuck Liddell. Over in Japan, where big New Years Eve cards in both pro wrestling and MMA is something of a tradition, you've got K-1 holding a big event and more significantly, what is essentially a PRIDE show (without the PRIDE name) going on 12/31 as well. The 12/31 show is being put on by most of the former employees of PRIDE, featuring a number of well known PRIDE fighters--including Russian fighting god and consensus best MMA heavyweight in the world Fedor Emelianenko. They've even got Lene Hardt--aka the "crazy American woman announcer" involved. Neither event has US live coverage but I'm going to pull a few strings and see what I can work out....

Anyway, thanks as always for reading--don't forget to visit ProphetFighting as well as The Savage Science MySpace page. Have a great Christmas and we'll be back next week!