THE PROPHET'S TUESDAY TAPOUT: TOOT TOOT TOOT EDITION

by The Prophet, ProphetFighting

Thanks to everyone who watched/read/had someone read to them my live round by round of Saturday's Floyd Mayweather Jr./Ricky Hatton fight and the miserable undercard that preceded it. You can say a lot of things about me, but you can't say that I'm not accommodating. I *know* that most of you are a) stealing cable from your neighbors b) incarcerated c) institutionalized or d)living in your parents' basement. In other words, I understand that its tough if not impossible for you to get these big PPV events. In fact, I'm going to see if I can write off my round by round services as a charitable contribution of some sort. Those people who risk infection and assault to ladle out soup to hobos get all the credit, but that's nothing compared to the intellectual challenge of providing an interesting boxing round by round. So don't think you've done something great just because you volunteer in a food bank or soup kitchen or whatever they're called--I spent my Saturday night sitting in my den with my two Jack Russell Terriers smoking a couple of Arturo Fuente Anejo Sharks (they retail for $12 a stick when you can get them, which you typically can't) and doing my round by round coverage. I even managed to make that pitiful undercard somewhat tolerable and if that's not a great humanitarian gesture I don't know what is.

And I'm not a guy to toot my own horn, but "toot, toot, toot". Let's harken back a few weeks to my Tuesday Tapout: Drunken Brits Edition and give a looksee to my analysis of the Hatton/Mayweather fight. For your reading pleasure I've highlighted the passages that are particularly prescient:

THE PROPHET ON MAYWEATHER/HATTON:

So I'm sorry, drunken Brits....Mayweather is going to destroy Hatton. Hatton is a tough kid, and a likable guy. Were I picking a fighter to hang out with, to cruise chicks with or to down a few brews with Hatton would be the easy choice here. For a boxing match, however, I've got to go with Mayweather. As I noted above, Hatton's nickname is "Hook 'n' Hold" and that's a fairly apt description of his fighting style. He mauls guys for 12 rounds with this technique, and he's tough as nails so he can take it if necessary to dish out his offense.

The problem here is that he's fighting a guy who's seen everything that Hatton brings to the table, only better. I'm not sure that Hatton *can* 'hook n hold' Mayweather...he'll "hook" and Mayweather won't be there. While he's trying to "hold" he'll be counterpunched by the most insane handspeed he's ever faced. And that's something you really can't prepare for--you can bring in a slick boxer to train with but when you step in against Mayweather you'll be facing a fighter slicker and faster than you've ever seen in your life.

A few people have suggested that Mayweather is taking Hatton lightly and this will be his undoing. They point to his run on "Dancing With the Stars" as evidence of this. Not a bad theory on its surface, but it simply won't happen. Despite his many character and personality flaws, Mayweather always trains his ass off. His dismissive attitude toward Hatton is just to sell tickets and PPV buys--he's likely already watched every piece of Hatton video he can get his hands on. And you Hatton fans can dismiss any thought that Mayweather won't be in top shape physically. As I'm sure you all know, boxing rounds are 3 minutes long. Typically there are 12 of them in a championship fight. Most fighters spar 12 3 minute rounds to prepare for a fight. Not Mayweather--he's notorious for sparring sessions where he fights 12 rounds of 12 or 15 minutes each, with a new sparring partner rotating in every 3 minutes. No disrepect to Hatton, who by all accounts takes care of business in his training camp, but he's not going to win a conditioning battle against Mayweather.

So bring it on drunken Brit Hatton fans.....just because you've moved slightly up the food chain from soccer hooliganism doesn't give you the right to dis a serious fightsport journalist such as myself. Like it or not, Hatton isn't beating Mayweather and will be lucky to go the distance.

Gee....that's pretty much how it went down now isn't it? I tried to maintain a veneer of objectivity as I was doing the round by round coverage but behind my keyboard I was cackling with glee as the fight transpired just as I had suggested it would. Of course only a fightsport journalist of my magnitude could keep up with the play by play while I was patting myself on the back for being so damn clever. So not only did you get to enjoy my coverage of the bout but you got to enjoy the work of the "pound for pound" best and one of the all time greats. I'm speaking of myself, of course, as I'm clearly "pound for pound" the best fight journalist in the world and have to now be considered among the all time greats. Mayweather was pretty impressive too.

MAYWEATHER V. HATTON IN REVIEW:

If you missed the fight or my Harold Bloom-like analysis of it make sure to check it out when HBO runs the replay. Mayweather brawls with Hatton to the delight of the drunken Brits slurring their soccer style chants. The only thing is that while Hatton *did* do a nice job of dictating the tempo early in the fight and pressuring Mayweather, it only delayed the inevitable. After the first round (which I gave to Hatton), Mayweather adjusted to Hatton's aggression and gave the assembled fans (the ones that weren't busy urinating in the aisles of the MGM Grand Arena) a counterpunching clinic. The drunken Brits got excited whenever Hatton would tie Mayweather up and sneak in a rabbit punch but were failing to notice that their guy wasn't really hurting "Pretty Boy"...er..."Money". They also didn't notice that Mayweather was landing his counters with deadly accuracy, causing Hatton's face to swell up severely. Hatton started to tire visibly around the 7th round, and after that it was a clinical dissection by Mayweather resulting in the 10th round TKO.

After the fight Mayweather switched back to "good Floyd" mode and was effusive in his praise of Hatton when interviewed by Larry Merchant. Hatton, who's about as likable a guy as you'll find, also gave a great postfight interview. And since the fight is over, like Mayweather, I'll switch back into "good Jim" mode: Hatton is great for the sport. The Euros love him, he's a likable guy and he's tough as nails. His style does look somewhat like John Ruiz on amphetamines at times but he's still a fun fighter to watch. He made it clear that we haven't seen the last of him in the ring and I, for one, am glad to hear it.

One suggestion--get rid of that damn "Blue Moon" song you use for the ring entrance music. I know that its the Manchester City soccer theme song and all that, but it flat out sucks. Take it from the future of fightsport journalism(TM)--what you need to do is what you *started* to do with your ring entrance prior to the Jose Luis Castillo fight. For those of you who didn't see it, Hatton came out to the sound of air raid sirens with a voiceover of Winston Churchill from his speech before the House of Commons on 6/4/40. For those of you who either slept through and/or were drunk during your high school and college history classes let me provide some context--this speech was made as the Nazis were basically taking over the entire European continent. More specifically, it was a few weeks before the fall of France which left Great Britain the last bulwark against total Nazi control of Europe. Hitler and his minions thought that the Brits would react the same way the French had--basically bending over and grabbing their ankles. Guess again, Adolph--despite being bombed by the Luftwaffe almost nonstop for 9 months, beginning with the day and night bombing of London for 57 days by what was at the time the greatest fighting force in history the British didn't capitulate. Unlike the ankle grabbing French, the Brits responded instead with an extended middle finger--this despite the death of 43,000 civilians. In Churchill's speech before the House of Commons he warned the British of the perils they faced, but then set the tone for how they'd react:

We shall not flag nor fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France and on the seas and oceans; we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air. We shall defend our island whatever the cost may be; we shall fight on beaches, landing grounds, in fields, in streets and on the hills. We shall never surrender and even if, which I do not for the moment believe, this island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, will carry on the struggle until in God's good time the New World with all its power and might, sets forth to the liberation and rescue of the Old.

Now *that* is seriously badass. My only question is this--how could the assembled members of Parliament's lower house hear Sir Winston over the clanking sound emanating from his big balls of steel. Keep in mind that Churchill wasn't saying this in hopes of getting a sound bite on the evening news--he really meant it. He was, in essence, telling Hitler to bring it on--if he wants a fight he's got one. And every time a bombing run ended Churchill would break off a phone call to Alfred Dunhill to make sure his stash of cigars had survived the ordeal. With all due respect to the recently departed Evel Knievel, Winston Churchill gets my vote for the baddest mofo to ever walk the face of the earth.

Here's the full text of the Churchill speech I quoted above

And, while we're at it, Hatton's ring entrance prior to the Castillo fight through the magic of YouTube

Hatton needs to listen to me--if he'd lose that unctuous version of "Blue Moon" and make his ring entrance to the air raid sirens and Churchill voiceover he'd have one of the baddest ring entrances in the history of boxing. Unfortunately, for the Castillo entrance he played the badass Churchill sample and *then* played "Blue Moon". That's like playing Sinatra and following it up with Milli Vanilli. It's like playing John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" and following it up with a Jessica Simpson song. Hatton should know better and for the good of his career he needs to listen to me.

DON'T MISS THE UFC ULTIMATE FIGHTER FINALE REPLAYS:

The UFC pissed me off by scheduling the "Ultimate Fighter" finale for the same night and time as the Mayweather fight. Making matters worse they *finally* give Clay Guida--who's one of my favorite fighters--the high profile fight he deserves. Fortunately, I TiVo'd the thing. Unfortunately Guida lost to Roger Huerta but he fought his *ass* off as usual. This would have been the fight of the night were it not for a matchup between Jon "War Machine" Koppenhaver and Jared Rollins which was absolutely insane. It ranks up there with the first Stephan Bonnar/Forrest Griffin fight--or in boxing terms it's a MMA version of Gatti/Ward or the first Castillo/Corrales fight. SPIKE will be replaying the show Friday night at 9 PM Eastern and Saturday at 4 PM so don't miss it.

THE SAVAGE SCIENCE IS COMING IN EARLY 2008:

Look for the debut of the state of the art in MMA journalism, commentary and more. The Savage Science is my latest project and will bring you an equal dose of MMA and general mayhem. Get the latest of The Savage Science by adding us as a MySpace friend:

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Also, visit SavSci's more refined brother covering boxing with the best writing and commentary on the Internet:

The Best in Boxing at The Sweet Science

And you can always check out my site at ProphetFighting.com

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Thanks for reading the Tuesday Tapout and we'll see you next week...