SIDESHOW ALLEY: THE BCS SELECTION SHOW SUCKS

by Dr. C, Chicago Bull

Did you want to punch your cousin's kid in his cleft lip last night while watching the BCS Selection show on FOX like I did? It appears in their growing attempt to hump every single penny out of advertisers, FOX has taken what used to be a decent amount time to find out who'll be playing in the BCS bowls to absolutely ridiculous. For the first fifteen minutes of the show, all I knew was that Hawaii will be playing in the Sugar Bowl. That's it. To apparently build my excitement (or lack there of), I get a terrible panel of Charles Davis, Barry Switzer and Jimmy Johnson, led by Chris Rose whose waiting to be picked up after the show by John Salley. What did I learn in those 15 minutes? Absolutely nothing, outside of the fact Barry Switzer enjoys using the word "betcha".

I get the fact that FOX is trying to make the BCS show like the NCAA selection show, but there's a huge difference you can't replicate. For basketball, tons of teams will get snubbed when they are deserving of dancing which makes the excitement natural for many different fan bases. For football, you pretty much know who's in, it's just a matter of what bowl they play in. So to FOX, stop being jag-offs and just get it over with. This will allow your shitty panel at least a chance to make some sense with their analysis, rather then just saying, ok this team is in, what do you think of this team? Blah, blah, blah. Who will they play? You'll find out eight minutes later. It takes away from the viewing experience, and leaves me pissed off and wanting to just wait til the show's over. Secondly, how do you feel about the teams picked and the match-ups? To me, Ohio St vs. LSU is a yawner of a game. Hawaii and Georgia should be interesting, USC will rape Illinois, Oklahoma should beat West Virginia, and Kansas vs. Virginia Tech will not be on my viewing schedule.

TONY ROMO HAS BECOME A MODERN DAY BROAD-WAY JOE: Since my article's are Monday only, I missed out on the reports of Tony know being linked to Jessica Simpson, but acknowledgment is still due. Within the past year, Romo landed a starting job for America's team, dated hottie Carrie Underwood (I'm sorry; if you were "just friends" why aren't you still showing up to his games?) Sophia Bush, and now Simpson. I would like to know who he was dating before his promotion. Nobody? Some 2nd-shifter at the local Hooters? That's how you could really point to how far he has come (literally) off the field. Props to Romo, you have been patiently waiting, and you my friend are now reaping the benefits, even if you do come off as a douche.

WHEN DID JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT LET HERSELF GO? I don't know about you, but when Can't Hardly Wait came out I had it bad for Jennifer. She was damn hot as A-man-duh. But after checking out the picture on TMZ of Hewitt's ass, I was saddened to see such an ass-et go to waste. If you don't want to see what has become of her, don't click on the link. But if you want to be a realist as to what she has become, do what you must. This pretty much as nothing to do with sports, but I'm making a plea for Hewitt to get back to the figure she once had. You had a bad month? You finally realized the Ghost Whisperer is a terrible show? That's fine. Everyone is entitled to let go now and then. But your looks and body got you your career, and if you let that go so too will your career. If Janet Jackson could lose 60 pounds in a short amount of time, I'm sure whatever product Suzanne Sommers is backing these days should work wonders.

IN PARTING, WHO BECOMES THE NEWEST AD WHORE?: As I part you, I ask you this question; who will become the newest ad whore and why? It's obvious Peyton Manning has a lock down when October comes til February. Tom Brady has done a lot of print ads and even has a few billboards that I've seen here in Chicago. What about baseball or basketball? Outside of LeBron, and a few random Melo and Wade commercials, nobody has really stepped for the NBA. Baseball has given me nothing nationally when I think about it. So who takes over in the upcoming months and why? I leave that take up to you as we approach 2008. As you already know, I'm hoping my boy Hester will get his shine on. If you have some thoughts let me know, and give me some odds as well if you have a couple ideas.