THROWING KNIVES: THE HOLIDAYS CAN BE FUN

by BD, Staff Writer

I'm more or less indifferent to the holidays, as for me the negatives tend to far outweigh the positives. I'm a poor college student who can barely afford to buy myself a pair of shoes, but I'm expected to purchase moderately expensive gifts for my family members. A concept of which I'm not much of a fan. That would be the negative side of the holidays. The positives are generally found in the fun one can have at the expense of others throughout the season. Look, I'm not Christian or anything of the nature, but I celebrate Christmas. Why? Because I always have. That's about as well as I can explain it. But a lot of people have no idea what holiday it is I celebrate and despite a lack of religious affiliation I'm annoyed by all of this "Happy Holidays" business. So I tend to throw curve balls to strangers and acquaintances this time of year.

Now I've gotten some interesting reactions, but rarely does anyone become overly annoyed or just plain upset. I mean, if they got upset because I said "Merry Christmas to you too" after they said "Happy Holidays," then I hope Freddy Krueger fists them. Even better is the occasional "you mean Merry Christmas?" That tends to get a raised eyebrow. Or when they're Jewish they tend to ignore me. Look people, I cannot tell you're Jewish, despite the jokes, you generally don't resemble Pinocchio.

Anyhow, I figured I'd toss out probably the funnest experience I've had with this this year. It was via instant message with an acquaintance of mine the day after Christmas. We'll call the acquaintance Milton.

Milton: How was you Christmas?
Me: I'm Jewish....
Milton: How was your Hanukkah?
Me: Three weeks ago.
Milton: Mmm... How was your day?
Me: I haven't decided yet.
Milton: WTF, man?
Me: You want me to apologize for being Jewish?
Milton: Well... no, but... n/m I'll ttyl.

I ended up telling him I was just fucking with him soon after and subsequently had to listen to him bitch for 20 minutes. I definitely should have waited a few days, but oh well. This is just one example of the great times you can have during the holidays though, folks. Some may call you a Scrooge, but hey, it all about finding the fun in life, whether it's at someone else's expense or not.

A word to the wise though, if you're working the door somewhere, it's not a good idea to play this game with the people who can have you fired before you reach the punch clock.

Oh, and this doesn't mean I'm one of those nut jobs whose thinks the holiday bit is a War on Christmas because those people are fucktards. I mean come on... Bill O'Reilly's is in that camp.

Language NSFW...