by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
Want to get big attention from the sports blogging public and NBA cranks? Well then, assuming you don't have naked cheerleader pictures -- hello, Google Keyword Searchers! -- you need to learn how to pimp out your BS NBA Rumors. Follow these ten easy steps, and you'll be rolling in the traffic!
10. Masturbate with salary cap numbers until your eyesight fails
9. Sprinkle the words "anonymous sources", "scouts" and "inside people" around to make it seem Extremely Legitimate
8. Mention the same guys that are always mentioned in every trade scenario
7. Always include at least one terrible contract, because no BS NBA Rumor is complete without the rationale that this will happen because of a bad contract, rather than because it might actually make sense as on the court
6. If the trade makes no sense, just expand the number of teams involved until the audience gives up and assumes you know what you are doing
5. Wildly uneven trades are fine, so long as you include an idiot general manager somewhere in the chain
4. When writing about trades, make sure to sprinkle in the barest shred of evidence that you've actually watched some games this year
3. Make sure to overstate the results of games in the last week to give your BS Rumor extra oomph, because in a league that doesn't have a trade deadline until late February, panic moves just happen all the time
2. Conclude your rumor with the magic thinking that your proposed trade makes every team involved better, thanks to your awe-inspiring brain
1. When your ridiculous trade doesn't happen, blame the Association's general managers for having no balls
Monday, December 10, 2007
TOP 10 TIPS FOR SPREADING BS NBA RUMORS
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2 comment(s):
Awesome! I think the 2 columns that made me stop reading the guy that I am sure you are digging in this top 10 list was the pre Super Bowl column where he talked about the NBA the whole time and refused to give the Colts any love at all.
The other was the preposterous NBA trade column which made little sense at all except for some fantasy owner.
I learned from a couple inside sources that Jason Kidd is going to the Mavs for Terry, Stackhouse and Damp. With only 4 years left on Damp's contract - what's not to like?
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