TOP 11 FANTASY FOOTBALL PLAYOFF LOSERS

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

11. Rules Cryer. "This league sucks! Whoever heard of getting penalized for missed field goals? That's why I lost -- because these rules suck!"

Advantage: Pointing out that the same rules were in place for the first 15 weeks is fairly satisfying.

Disadvantage: He's right. Your league's rules probably do suck.

10. The Agonizer. "If only I had started the Titans defense, which I left on the bench, instead of the Vikings defense..."

Advantage: Not only do you get to beat him, you also get to enjoy watching him torture himself over it.

Disadvantage: Endless.

9. Mr. Bitter. "You just got freaking lucky! I had the better team, and you know it!"

Advantage: His tears are like sweet, sweet nectar.

Disadvantage: Push him long enough, and he might go postal.

8. Smack Retractor. "Hey, um, all of those things I said and wrote about how bad I was going to beat you, and how we should make a side bet or go winner takes all with the pot... you know that was just me kidding, right? Right?"

Advantage: The sweetest smack of the year is to just say, "Scoreboard."

Disadvantage: Only cowards fail to call their shot.

7. Lucktastic. "You know this all luck, right? Jeez, it's not like you should be proud of winning a year like this."

Advantage: When you agree with them, and just conclude that God hates them, it's highly satisfying.

Disadvantage: They're probably right.

6. The Good Loser. "I'm just happy to have lost to you. Good game."

Advantage: Feels classy and grown-up.

Disadvantage: Extremely unsatisfying. Plus, he's lying to your face, which is kinda irritating.

5. Ring Counter. "Sure, you had your little championship. Come on back when you've won as many as I have."

Advantage: Kinda fun to run some smack about how old they are here. This is also, don't kid yourself, the most bitter loser of the bunch.

Disadvantage: He's still won more than you.

4. My Other League Is A Hot Chick In Canada. "Hey, congrats on winning our matchup. I have to confess, I was really distracted by my other leagues, which play for real money. I kicked ass in those leagues, of course, but you can't win them all. But hey, congrats on your little win."

Advantage: You'd have to be the most naive person in the world to not understand that he's lying.

Disadvantage: You'll wish that you had played him for more money.

3. Nerd Baiter. "Yeah, you won, I guess. I wasn't even really keeping track, honestly. While you were sweating out your win, I was banging this unspeakably hot chick that's double-jointed and self-lubricated..."

Advantage: He's so full of it, he's drawing flies.

Disadvantage: He's also right. You are a nerd.

2. Mr. Schedule. "I can't believe you beat me! I specifically drafted my team to peak in Week 16, and made sure that all of my skill players were in domes or warm weather..."

Advantage: The hubris of picking not just players, but players based on the idea of which teams will have bad defenses by the end of the year... amazing.

Disadvantage: You're probably going to do the same thing next year.

1. Me, aka I've Been Betrayed! "Willie Parker is dead to me. Marques Colston is dead to me. Matt Hasselbeck didn't do nearly enough. Why couldn't the Raiders not suck so much against the Jaguars defense? Waah, waah, waah!"

Disadvantage: It really sucks to be in my family right now.

Disadvantage: Hey, look, grist for a list!