WCT'S COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON WRAP-UP - COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS A LOT LIKE JESSICA SIMPSON

by WCT, The Ship of Fools

Jessica Simpson is hot. That is not an opinion, that is a fact we can all agree on, right? Right. Because if we can't agree on that, this little simile of mine isn't going to work.

Anyway, she pulls you in with her looks. The rack, the lips, the eyes, striking. You think to yourself, how is this chick not married? What in the world is wrong with that other guy that he could let her go?

Then you hear her talk.

Maybe you see her interviewed, or you catch a second or two of that ridiculous reality show she was on. Whatever medium it is, you inevitably have the same reaction: "oh my god, I want to stick ice picks into my ears and puncture my own brain" and you are left feeling thoroughly annoyed.

That is what college football is. Every September, you get sucked in. The pagentry, the intensity, the rivalries, the all-day Saturday benders at the bar watching, like, five games at once (although that may only be me). The gambling, oh sweet lord the gambling! It seduces you like a beautiful woman.

Then, like clockwork, the first week in December rolls around, and it pisses you off. Now you are furious. Grumpy. Annoyed. The same way you feel after listening to JessSimp talk (I just made that nickname up myslelf! I hope it catches on) you want to know who you can speak to to get those minutes and hours of your life back.

Even if your favorite team happens to be lucky enough to be in the one and only meaningful postseason game (and mine is) you still feel hollow and unsatisfied inside.

- I'm not going to devote a whole lot of time here to talk about bowls. I hate bowls. Bowls are stupid. Every other sport in the world plays exibition games as their preseason. College football is the only sport in the world to play exibition games as part its postseason.

- I will however talk about Hawaii. They overcame problems scheduling big-time teams (Michigan took them off the schedule to play Appalachian State instead. Hey, how did that work out for them?) and people (like me) doubting them all year to end up in a BCS bowl. Good for them.

- The final Coaches' Poll ballots were comical. Virginia Tech's Frank Beamer ranked his team #2. New Mexico State's Hal Mumme ranked Hawaii first (although the Rainbow Warriors did destroy Mumme's NMST Aggies 50-13, so I guess that left an impression) and Washington's Ty Willingham left Boston College completely off his ballot! By the way, this ridiculous ballot accounts for one-third of what decides the national champion.

- The biggest losers of the year were the Boston College Eagles. Thanks to the fact that they have little, if any, fan following (their ACC title game vs. Virginia Tech barely drew flies) they go from playing for a spot in the BCS, to being stuck in something called the Champs Sports Bowl. This team was #2 in the nation at one point! Now they have a date with a Michigan State team that was 3-5 in conference!

- USC fans need to stop whining. Once you lose at home to Stanford, you waive your right to talk trash about how great your team is. Notre Dame, who was 2-1 against the Pac-10 by the way, didn't really have any problem beating the Cardinal, and neither should you.