CHINA TAKES SOCCER SERIOUSLY, EVEN TO DEATH

by Sterling Gould, More Credible

The World Cup competition is fun! Especially when your country, pride, and life is on the line. It's like playing football with a hand grenade!

After being offered more than one million dollars as a reward, China's national football team players have vowed to play for their lives and qualify for the 2010 World Cup, state press said Wednesday.

In a New Year's pledge, the national side gathered to read an oath to the country, vowing to take China through Asia's "group of death" and into the World Cup finals for only the second time, the Beijing Youth Daily said.

"I pledge to advance to the World Cup, which is the professional goal that we strive for," the players recited on Tuesday, according to the paper.

"We swear by death to kill along the bloody road of defending the honour of the motherland and realise our youthful dreams."

It's really sad reading this, because our soccer team could give two dumpster babies for competing, shit, even qualifying for the World Cup. That's probably because America has more concern for those dumpster babies, like that's ever been important?

Although, the risk/reward here is quite generous. If the China players beat teams ranked in the top 50, each player will receiver 500,000 yuan as a reward, and 300,000 for every team lower than the top 50. With 500,000 yuan, you can purchase a brand new Geo Metro or fix your wife's bad teeth and have her uni-brow permanently eliminated. All for holding your life as collateral if you do not succeed.

God, just think if we had to hold American players to such standards. It would be genocide made for TV. If only Brent Musburger and Jim Nantz could announce the game. Pure bliss.