by Simon, SimonOnSports
Dear Hall of Fame & Voters,
I just got through with a hunting trip with my family (I hunt with sharp stones that I throw at animals) and someone told me that I did not make the hall of fame today? I'm a little confused by this news I thought I was a shoe in for first ballot admission after my inclusion on the ballot. Maybe it was really hidden and they couldn't see it? Or perhaps there were some hanging chads? Or you accidentally punched Gooses part of the ballot instead of mine? I'm just a little baffled by the whole situation.
It must have been the whole Mitchell Report that damned me right? Is that the reason? I mean I'll come out and have a 17 minute phone conversation with Kirk Radomski if you want. If he mentions to me what should I do I will tell him. I want you to lie and say I didn't roid up during the tail end of my career. I mean... I would say I want you to tell the truth and say that you only supplied me with B12 so I could avoid the flu. Would that clear me up for next year?
You certainly can't question the stats boys. The stats are there. Almost 100 home runs. Almost 2000 hits. Almost a .300 hitter. I was predicted when heading to NY as creating the greatest double play combination of all time. And all that throwin woes story is a completely overblown. I was so aiming for Olbermann's mother. That dirt bag botched one of my highlights on Sportscenter so he had it coming big time.
Ok boys I've got to get back hunting. I've already killed two bears, a deer and 3 squirrels by chucking rocks at their heads, pinpoint accuracy. I just want you guys to straighten out this whole non-nonsensical vote next year.
1992 Rook O' The Year
Chuck 'Fundamentally Sound' Knoblauch
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
DEAR HALL OF FAME
Posted at 3:06 PM ET
Similar Topics: chuck knoblauch, hall of fame, letters, MLB, satire, Simon, sports, Yankees
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2 comment(s):
Dear Chuck, We gave you one pity vote and that was only because you forgot how to throw a baseball that one year and had to move to the outfield where watching you field a fly ball was like watching a newborn calf take its first steps, so what more do you want? On the bright side, I hear the Hall of Slightly Above Average is taking a hard look at enshrining you next year. Best of luck! --The Hall of Fame
P.S. If only you hadn't left Minny. You were actually a borderline candidate during those years, but could you stay happy in a small market? No, you had to go for the 30 pieces of silver...
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