FANS NATIONWIDE HOPING SEAU ALMOST WINS ONE

by Tbone, The Sports Hernia

The Super Bowl media shitstorm is upon us in full force and with media day officially in the books, it only means every side story and feel-good player profile will be repeated and beaten to death by various newspapers and media outlets until the game is finally played on Sunday. One of those stories that will get continued attention is of course the wonderful tale of 39-year old journeyman linebacker Junior Seau and his tear-jerker-of-a-quest for a Super Bowl ring.

But after a recent impromptu focus group it's pretty clear no one actually wants to see this guy get jack shit on Sunday, let alone read about it.

"I hope he almost wins it," said our knowledgeable source. "I really do, I hope he almost wins it, but doesn't. It's kind of like in 1997 when Seth Joyner left Arizona and latched on to Green Bay, basically assuming he would win one with the Packers, but didn't -- they lost to the Broncos which was great. I hope Seau sees similar results, ya know, because he's a douche."

Our passionate source continued on, showing us footage of the douche in action.

"Look at this, he gets absolutely run over here, the running back flattens him. That's the third time it's happened in the quarter. But he gets up in the guy's face, starts pushing and shoving. What a douche, I mean seriously, he just got run over, he should shut his mouth. Am I crazy, is he not a complete douche?"

When asked what they meant by 'almost winning one', the group said they hoped the score would be close, and perhaps the Patriots would have some kind of lead in the fourth quarter only to lose in the final few seconds, thus making Seau truly feel like he almost won a ring -- but didn't.