Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: MY NAME IS IGOR OLSHANSKY AND I'M A MORON


by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks

I know I'm a little late on this one because the mammoth Ukrainian let the stupid fly after their win Sunday, but I keep seeing it pop up on TV as this weekend's game gets closer and every time I do, I think to myself, "What the hell was this kid thinking?"

Who? New England? Seriously, I mean, they're more worried than we are, I promise you. Believe me. They know what's up.
- Igor Olshanksy, San Diego Defensive End and Victim of Verbal Diarrhea
My best bet at the reaction from within the Patriots Organization:

He said what? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dumb bastard...

Seriously, let's all take a second to look at the situation here. Igor, feel free to join us.

One team is 17-0 and beat the living daylights out of the other earlier in the year. Oh yeah, they're in pretty near perfect health too.

The team that isn't 17-0, while they may be playing pretty decent football as of right now, ISN'T 17-0 and has the potential to step onto the field lacking their three best offensive players come Sunday.

Honestly Igor, even with LT, Rivers and Gates, beating New England in their backyard is one huge task. Doing it with Michael Turner, Billy Volek and Brandon Comeoniwannaleiyou is another thing. Not to mention the fact that last year, when you and your healthy teammates were the favourites and had the better record, New England came to your house and beat you there too.

As if there needed to be further proof that you just don't go pissing off the Patriots this season, all Olshansky needed to do was place a couple of phone calls. Give Eric Mangini a ring. Get a hold of Anthony Smith. See what they have to say about getting on the Patriots bad side.

Mangini set this whole Spy-Gate thing in motion and unleashed the fury that the rest of the league had to deal with all season long. For his troubles, he also got handed a 20-10 defeat in Week 15, also known as Consecutive Win #14.

Anthony Smith was even better. He guaranteed Pittsburgh was going to win. They didn't and Smith got absolutely lit up by The Brady Bunch. He was personally burned for two big touchdowns, as if Tom Brady and Co. was saying, "Here you go. Make a play Big Mouth." Smith came up waaaay short.

Now, anything is possible. LT and Rivers could be a go for Sunday's game and once you step on the field there is no telling what could happen. San Diego could shock everyone and walk out of New England with a win.

They could also get their asses handed to them.

Which do you think is more likely?

Me too.

1 comment(s):

DCScrap said...

I think Tom Brady is shaking in his designer boots in the arms of his supermodel.

Related Posts with Thumbnails