MATCH.COM MONDAYS: STEPHEN A. SMITH

by Rupert, Ghosts of Wayne Fontes

As we make our way through this world, we're all trying to do one thing... procreate. But sometimes, it's hard to find a partner who shares the same interests as you do. I'm all about love baby, so I'll be promoting the Match.com profiles of our favorite athletes/commentators/journalists. You never know, you the reader might find the love of your life!

This Week's Featured Profile: Stephen A. Smith
Display Name: Stephen_A_Wants_Pussy
Status: Online now!

* age: 40
* seeking: Stephen A. is looking for a woman to christen his new couch
Relationships: That's private and Stephen A. plans to keep it that way.
Have kids: None
Ethnicity: Black
Body type: Amorphous
Height: 6'0"
Religion: Run DMC is Stephen's religion for Stephen A. is from Hollis.
Smoke: No
Drink: Not that much, but Stephen A. does like Shiraz with the tight ass from Scores.

My Job:
Getting fired and/or demoted from a variety of journalist, analyst, and commentator roles at the prominent of sports media outlets.

Favorite Hot Spots:
Stephen A. used to like Philly, but Philly done disrespected Stephen. Now, Stephen A. is looking to get back to the roots - Stephen's Apple. Stephen A also likes Bristol and really loud bars where he can exhibit his amazing abilities at screaming total fucking gibberish.

For Fun:
Stephen A.likes mock drafts, slicing through pussy like it's Crazy Bread, and text messaging columns on my Blackberry. Stephen also loves making everything about race issues, particular when it is totally irrelevant.

Favorite Things:
STEPHEN A. LOVES SCREAMING FUCKING GIBBERISH AND EATING CHEEZY DOODLES. Stephen A. also enjoys showing up L8 2 the ParT and chillin' with my dog, TO.

Dislikes:
Stephen A. hates bloggers and really hates the Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentlemen. Also, Stephen A. will no longer hang with his dog, Joakim.

Last Read:
Stephen A. just read an advance copy of God Save the Fan, by Will Leitch. Funny guy, but he didn't have much nice to say about Stephen. By the way, what does he mean when he talks about speaking in the third person?

About Me and Who I'm Looking For:
Stephen A. is looking for a careless dumbshit with no integrity and low standards for quality.