THE PROPHET'S TUESDAY TAPOUT: ROSE CITY RELOCATION EDITION

by The Prophet, ProphetFighting

"I came through and I shall return"
--General Douglas MacArthur

After being relieved from his command of the Allied armies in the Philippines, General Douglas MacArthur uttered this memorable quote. And damned if he didn't do it against all odds, earning the Medal of Honor in the process.

In the proud tradition of General MacArthur, The Prophet has returned. And while MacArthur may have seen firsthand the horrors of war and the Bataan Death March, the Prophet has endured hardships that he could only dream of. It is difficult to accurately convey my journey of the past month or so in this limited space, so look for me to share my tales of valor and courage under the most unspeakable adversity over the next few weeks.

As I oh so cleverly alluded to in the title of this article, I've relocated to the Rose City of Portland, Oregon. While Portland didn't offer the most attractive package of financial incentives and tax breaks, it won the Prophet relocation on the strength of its beauty, livability, fine restaurants, top notch microbreweries, award winning wine and the ubiquity of espresso. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm sick of having to drive everywhere so its pedestrian friendly layout was also a major factor and in reality is what earned it the victory in the "Prophet sweepstakes" over the closest contender, Las Vegas, NV. And even though Vegas offered some very attractive financial incentives, plied me with some very attractive and talented "economic development hostesses" for a weekend and agreed to wave some zoning restrictions to facilitate construction of the Prophet/Savage Science office complex overlooking Lake Las Vegas, I didn't want to spend any more time stuck in traffic. I still love Las Vegas and will certainly be spending my share of time there in my role as the "Future of FightSport Journalism" (TM) On a day to day basis, however, Portland is a better fit and a better environment for me to pump out the literary lifeblood that your anemic intellect so desperately needs.

TIM SYLVIA HAD SEX WEARING THE UFC HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP BELT

We'll get back to the important subject at hand--me,my relocation and my future activities--in a moment but I just heard about this today and I'm afraid that the mental image will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Tim Sylvia, former UFC heavyweight champion and big dumb hick from Maine was known during his title reign for wearing his championship belt damn near everywhere. A night on the town at Burger King followed by bowling? He'd have the belt on. A trip to Tractor Supply Company for some cool new threads? He'd be wearing what Ric Flair used to refer to as the "ten pounds of gold".

The "Nature Boy" may have sunk so low of late as to be a Mike Huckabee supporter, but in his prime as NWA champion he was a "kiss stealin', wheelin' dealin', limousine riding son of a gun". He'd never do something as declasse as tapping some hottie wearing the championship belt that men such as Lou Thesz, the original "Nature Boy" Buddy Rogers, the Funk Brothers-Terry and Dory Jr., Jack Brisco and Harley Race wore before him. You'd never hear of Peyton Manning sodomizing some chick with the Vince Lombardi Trophy or MJ gettin' busy with some broad with the Larry O'Brian Trophy. Hockey players being the way they are I can't say for certain that the Stanley Cup hasn't been used in a sexual act though I'd imagine that that NHL players are mindful of the tradition that it entails. Besides, nothing anyone could do with the Stanley Cup could be cooler than Brett Hull drinking beer from it with Vinnie Paul and the late, great Dimebag Darrell from Pantera.

All of that makes this revelation that Tim Sylvia made it with some poor chick while wearing the UFC heavyweight belt around his hairy, Sasquatch-like body all the more disgusting:

“I’ve had sex before with the belt on. That was back in the Ricco Rodriguez days. The night I won the belt I had a sexual experience with the belt on. But hey, I was 25 years old and it was the biggest thing that ever had happened to me in my life. The girl was like hey, are you going to take that thing off. And I said no, I’m not…I’m wearing it and if you have a problem with it, then I’m leaving. And I hate to say it, but if I do win the belt again, then this time it’s never coming off. I’m going to wear it a lot more.”

Here's the original post from "The Takedown" blog

I won't get into this too deeply here, but Tim Sylvia will be fighting Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira on Saturday for the "UFC Interim Heavyweight Title". The fact that Sylvia is once again fighting for a heavyweight title--interim or otherwise--illustrates what a mess the UFC heavyweight division is in at the moment. I'll be writing more about that on my website, where I cover MMA and boxing seriously.

Here's a surprise for you people...if I can work out the contractual arrangements with the management of this website (ie: if I can get them to pay me enough) I'll have a couple of bonus entries this week to make up for the weeks I missed while moving. We'll talk about UFC 81 which will feature the octagon debut of Brock Lesnar in addition to the aforementioned Sylvia/Nogueira matchup....