THE 'ROID REPORT FOR THE WEEK OF JAN. 6

by Gary Gaffney, MD, Steroid Nation

As the week in 'roids unfolded, the Roger Clemens steroid controversy officially become a pain in the butt. How appropriate, as Roger Clemens on-going media battle with George Mitchell and with ex-trainer Brian McNamee hijacked the sports pages for the past month.

As last week ended, Clemens admitted that Brian McNamee injected him with drugs -- not steroids but B-12 and lidocaine. Lidocaine? For what purpose? To numb up his memory?

Sunday, Clemens appeared on 60 minutes with old buddy Mike Wallace to deny he used neither steroids or HGH. That creepy interview was surpassed the next day when Clemens revealed he taped a phone conversation with his ex-trainer McNamee (did Clemens listen in with his new third ear?). The entire phone exchange played out in a sordid press conference where a surly Clemens intimidated the press; luckily a shattered bat was not available for chucking at some unfortunate reporter. However, the US Congress postponed their hearings on this sleazy mess until after juice dealer Kirk Radomski faces sentencing from a federal judge.

Clemens said he is suing McNamee for defamation. McNamee may be suing Clemens back. And the newest member of the Baseball Hall of Fame, Goose Gossage, wonders if Roger is happy with all the public attention...like PR on steroids. At least Gossage made it to Cooperstown. Suspected juicer Mark McGwire won't be driving to New York any time soon; the slugger is stuck at about 23% of the HOF vote.

Chuck Knoblauch also resurfaced, not to admit to steroid use, but to express his great apathy for the entire thing; don't look for Knoblauck to fundamentally make the Hall of Fame.

Speaking of federal judges, Marion Jones begged her friendly federal judge to go lightly in court on Friday; the judge, however, sentenced Jones to jail for her long-standing deception that played out on a worldwide scale. Looks like Jones is in the (cell) blocks for 6 months.

US Olympic officials, the NFL, MLB, and the NHL, NBA and PGA announced a new charade anti-doping cooperation called the Partnership for Clean Competition (PCC). Wonder if professional athletes will be held as accountable for doping as the Olympic track athletes who lose records and medals?

The week ended as painfully as it started with stories saying McNamee reported Clemens suffered a butt abscess due to steroids; Sylvester Stallone also faced a pain in the butt when an ex-fiancee Janice Dickinson said she saw him juice.

Please, someone numb up our brain before we start pulling tractors with our teeth.