TOP 12 REASONS WHY JASON GARRETT IS STAYING WITH THE COWBOYS

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

12. Could not walk away from ex-teammates who are now in the national media fluffing him on a weekly basis

11. As an ex-teammte of Michael Irvin, has nearly unlimited local access to hookers and blow

10. While he doesn't have as many reasons to live as Terrell Owens, he's still got plenty of reasons to live

9. Wants to be up close to see just how Romo will blow the playoff game next year

8. After you've spent time in the blissful rapture of Northern Texas, Baltimore and Atlanta are just not up to snuff, especialy for a lily-white Princeton Man

7. Will get the Cowboys job as soon as Wade Philips gags up another playoff game, and will have a whole season to mess with the fat man's head

6. Increased long-term exposure to Terrell Owens is always a plus

5. Romo promised him his sloppy Yoko-esque seconds if he'd stay

4. Excited by the idea of finally being able to give the team's best running back more than half of the touches

3. Leaving would make TO cry... and that's just... not fair (wiping away tears)

2. When your "wife" is named Brill, there really aren't too many places where you can live without feeling like a complete hick

1. Two words: safety job