WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO DO FOR ANOTHER NINE DAYS?

by WCT, The Ship of Fools

Generally speaking, I hate the sports media. I am of the opinion that most of them are douchebags. They pull stuff out of their asses, make up stories where there are none, and generally annoy the viewing/reading public almost as much as they report actual news. Keep in mind, all of that nonsense takes place when there is actual news to report. Saddle this same sports media with two weeks without meaningful sports (No! the Australian Open is not meaningful! Save your comments!) to write about, and we get the kind of crap which we have already seen this week:

Brady's Boot - Or as it has been annoyingly been called "boot-gate."

(Just a quick aside, is anyone else as irked as I am by people lazily referring to any sort of scandal with the stupid "-gate" suffix?)

So it has been an entire work week, and people are still talking about a stupid photo on a celebrity gossip blog that showed Tom Brady in a walking boot. It is a walking boot. He wasn't in a cast, or on crutches. Philip Rivers had a goddam knee operation the Monday before playing in the game last week, and people are getting their panties in a bunch over a walking boot 12 days before the Super Bowl.

As if that weren't enough, ESPN began running photos of Brady and Gisele walking down the street later that same day, and Tom had evidently switched over to regular shoes. So "TOM BRADY BACK TO WEARING SHOES" became the headline.

To be honest, this week I heard enough of Wendi Nix reporting on the state of Tom Brady's footwear to last me a lifetime, thank you very much.

That stupid, nonsensical mock-umentary about Tom Brady and the "Brady Bunch" TV show - Or something. I still haven't figured out where they were going with that.

Were they saying that he was an child actor on the show? Because, that would make him like 45 years old. And it would make the fact that his last name actually is "Brady," irrelevant.

Were they saying that he was actually the fourth Brady brother? Again, that makes him in his mid 40s, and...ESPN knows that was a TV show...Right? I mean, they know that none of those other guys were actually named "Brady," right

Rest assured that when you turn on NFL Countdown, or SportsCenter and see a convoluted, unfunny bit from seven years ago, about a TV program from 30 years ago, you are in the first week of Super Bowl coverage.

Garbage from Mercury Morris - Honestly, someone put a muzzle on that guy. First he comes up with the stupid "on my block" quote a few years back when the Colts flirted with a perfect season, then he is on ESPN rapping (if you want to call this rapping) about the '72 Dolphins when the Patriots reached 12-0, then, as if that wasn't enough, this week he was on ESPN radio (take a wild guess which show) and he said that if the Patriots win the Super Bowl and go 19-0, then they would be the second greatest team of all time, behind his Dolphins of course. Full disclosure, I hate the Patriots. I cheer against them every time they take the field. But if they win on February 3rd, they would have beaten the NFL's 2nd best team (Colts, on the road), 3rd best team (Cowboys, on the road), 5th-ish best team (Chargers) twice, 6th-ish best team (Steelers) 7th best team (Jaguars) and 8th-ish best team (Giants, on the road and on a neutral field) twice. They also beat a 10-win team that just missed the playoffs (Browns) and an up-and-coming 8-win team (Bills) twice. All while going 19-0. There is no question that they would be the best team of all time by virtually any conceivable measure.

This is the crap that the normally quasi-tolerable sports media outlets have been forced to shove down our collective throats thanks to their lack of creativity, and the sports landscape's lack of games. I don't know why this surprises me, because the same thing happens at the exact same time every single year. We should be used to it by now, right?

I didn't think I'd ever say these words, but is it time for that NHL All Star Game yet??