by Rupert, Ghosts of Wayne Fontes
It's another round of ye olde Blog Wiser Hot Seat today at Epic Carnival. This is your chance as well as ours to get to know the residents at this here site on a much more personal level. Today's guest needs no introduction, as he is the sheriff of Nottingham on this here blog. We call him The Blogbudsman, but you know him as Chris from the Blog of Hilarity. Get ready to laugh. Away we go.
Ghosts: I notice you dabble in the Hollywood Floozy blogging a bit. Who is your favorite saucy young celeb these days?
BOH: If I wanted to go to prison, I’d say Taylor Momsen. But given that she’s not even close to legal age, even in the South, I’ll have to go with Rachel Bilson. That GQ shoot that came out a couple weeks ago was a masterpiece of the highest order.
Ghosts: Word on the street is that you’re officially endorsing Obama. Aren’t you worried that he is a brown Muslim terrorist?
BOH: That’s absurd. In fact, I will go on record as saying that everyone not voting for Obama is a racist. Not only a racist, but a Ku Klux Klan member. Plus McCain’s pretty certifiably so (and who wouldn’t be after being poked with sharp sticks by Asian dudes for years… he probably cries whenever he sees a chop stick) and Hillary’s a fat-calved emasculating shrew, so what else is there? Vote for the candidate for change! And basketball and chicks with big assses!
Ghosts: The week after the Super Bowl essentially really sucks. It’s when you realize that there isn’t much in the way of sports for a long time, it’s cold as hell, and the sun ain’t comin out for another month and a half. What is next on your docket for something to look forward to now?
BOH: In terms of sports, I’m really looking forward to Shaq eating his way through the Western Conference, proving that he’s still one of the most dominant players in the league, then retiring. Not because I’m a Shaq or Suns fan, but because nothing pleases me more than the success of someone I can relate to. And if I can’t relate to a 7-1, 300 pound black multimultimillionaire, who can I relate to.
Ghosts: If you could write your future with your blogging, where would it take you?
BOH: In a perfect world, I’d be writing for Best Week Ever and appearing on the shows. Then, in addition to my incredibly cush pay, I’d be also regularly fingerbanging Scarlett Johansson because she really enjoyed when I said that fucking Kim Kardashian would be like trying to fuck a couch. I’d also take the VH1 plane to wherever I felt compelled to go, including but not limited to California and the Sudan. Alas… this is an imperfect world.
Ghosts: What do you think about Bob Knight’s surprise resignation? I’m scared of him, personally.
BOH: I’d say my main opinion would be “fuck ‘em”. He’s been completely irrelevant for some time now and could never recruit well enough to win championships. If anything, he’s a testament to extended mediocrity often being credited as “legendary coaching”.
Ghosts: Got a good concert or sporting event story you’d care to share?
BOH: I went to a Laker game my senior year at USC with my Sports PR class. Since the point of going to the game was not only to see the game, but also see how the stuff behind the scenes works. This included meeting John Black, the Lakers VP of Communications (I think that’s his formal title), seeing that mysterious Laker VIP room that Jack Nicholson goes to during halftime and, eventually, getting to talk to Caron Butler. Caron was incredibly cool but he absolutely wanted to fuck this little cute blond white girl in my class. Needless to say, I was shocked. Athletes cavorting with nubile co-eds? Who could have guessed!
Ghosts: If you had to think back and pick the funniest blog post you’ve read – or at least a damn good one – what would it be?
BOH: Other than the stuff on my favorite site, The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes? It’s kind of hard to single out one thing, but part of the reason I got back into the blog scene (I had a personal blog that had a bit of readership from 2002-05 that was also called the Blog of Hilarity… which is why I still have that name today) was because of MJD’s Football Smorgasboard stuff. I can’t remember one specific thing that made me laugh, but I just always dug it tremendously.
Ghosts: Do you think Eli deserved the MVP for the Super Bowl? If not, who did?
BOH: I think you could have made an argument for David Tyree. He made that one extravagant play when Eli almost got sodomized by the Pats’ line and caught the TD. The stats didn’t jump off the page, but he had the biggest catches. But how can you not give it to Eli? That’s why I hate Giants fans. I live in NYC so I’ve seen it all year. They shat on the guy all season long. They barely paid attention to the team and, now that the Giants won in this storybook way, everyone loves them again.
Ghosts: What’s been your favorite movie this year? Who’s gonna win the big awards at the Oscars?
BOH: I would look it up and see the nominations again but I’m a lazy lazy man. I’ll be extremely disappointed if Ellen Page of Juno and Javier Bardem of No Country for Old Men don’t win. And if There Will Be Blood wins Best Picture, I’ll be extremely perturbed. I saw that movie and dozed off a couple of times during it. I get it was well-acted (I won’t even argue that Daniel Day Lewis shouldn’t win Best Actor), but it was SO dull. No Country for Old Men is the movie to back.
Ghosts: Speaking of the Oscars, what would you wear if you ever went to it?
BOH: I think in my alternate reality, my fiancée Scarlett Johansson would make me wear a classy tux. And I wouldn’t fight it… if there’s one thing I do and do well, it’s look like a secret agent. And listen to my hoes.
Ghosts: One of my favorite bits on BOH is your chronicling of your gay roommate. Does your roommate know about your blog and that you kinda want him dead?
BOH: No, he doesn’t know (I think making Matthew Shepherd jokes may be a bit of a sore spot with the gay community). The thing that’s funny is that I have gay readers who’ve emailed me when I slander gay folks because it’s something I do often now that I live on the fringes of Chelsea with this gay dude. Anyway, the people who have emailed me are ones who get the site and get that I’m not a homophobe… honestly, I have two gay cousins and they’re awesome… but I hate these extravagantly gay guys. Especially ones that I live with who leave wig hair in the drain. Seriously, that poor drain is about to be at critical mass with wig hair and, quite possibly, regurgitated jizm. I’m sure I’ve contributed to the latter, but still.
Ghosts: One last question, what’s the story with cuntery? Where ya headed with that venture?
BOH: The word itself is just a word I love. I use the word “cunt” a lot in life. I guess I’m just profane. But as for the site, all the cool kids seemed to be getting a Tumblr so who am I to not follow like a sheep. Honestly, I just liked Tumblr at first and then bought that domain name and it just worked for me. I have to pay more attention to it though. There’s probably a time coming real soon where I’m going to start updating it with stuff I don’t feel like bogging down the BOH with, like personal anecdotes about cuntery in my life.
Thanks Chris. It’s been a pleasure. Keep up the good work.
by Rupert, Ghosts of Wayne Fontes