COLLLLLLEEEEEGGGGEEEEE!!!!!

by T, The Angry T

Everything I love about Fraternities is contained in this article. Just read that entire thing (after you read this) and tell me you don't love fraternities, and college, 200% more.

Just look at the first sentence for shit's sake:

What began as a dream pledge party turned into a nightmare for fraternity pledges...

Call me old-fashioned, but getting thrown in a room with eight other dudes and a keg and being told to "get to know one another" is not a dream of mine. Who are these douches at ABC who have these terrible, homo-erotic dreams? Throw in three filthy hookers, a kilo and a half of blow, and one water buffalo, live or stuffed, preferably stuffed, and you have my dream.

Now let's talk about the nightmare portion of this fantastic situation:

Police said the fraternity brothers-in-training responded to the get-to-know assignment with reckless zeal, leaving a scene that included one large hole in a wall and several smaller holes scattered around the rooms. Ceiling fans and heating units had been ripped from walls; shower curtains and rods had been torn down; one mirror was covered with wads of spit and another was shattered, according to police, who added that blood and vomit were splattered all over the place

Actually, you only needed to read the last sentence which stated, "blood and vomit were splattered all over the place." Did these kids try to re-create The ThunderDome? Nine dudes put in a room with alcohol and blood and puke end up all over the place....hmm. I'll tell you what, if I go in there with a black light and don't find boatloads of semen, I'll eat my hat.

But wait, there's more. What douchebag frat story would be complete with a whiny diatribe from one of the perpetrators, claiming they are the victim? Political Science Major, and potential bleeder and puker, William Martin, Go:

"nobody (sic) ever looks at the good things a person does with their life," Martin wrote, describing a trip to Mexico during which he built houses and other volunteer work feeding the hungry."

"everyone (sic) in colorado (sic) already despises us, is it your attempt to have the entire nation despise us?" he wrote. "we are intelligent, bright, and caring people who made an extremely stupid, unintelligent, and disrespectful mistake that doesn't reflect who we are, but that doesn't seem to matter to anybody."

Willie, you are right, we apologize that ABC News didn't cover your fraternity trip to Puerto Vallarta to booze and grope co-eds for a week and build a house or two in your spare time. I heard Charles Manson used to read Dr. Suess books at the local orphanage on weekends and the Uni-Bomber volunteered as a Salvation Army Santa. Surprisingly, no one cared in those situations either. Bottom line, no one is impressed Willie. The reason anyone cares about you at all is because of your "extremely stupid, unintelligent (redundant), and disrespectful mistake." Leave it to this douche to make an incredibly stupid mistake and then blame the media for making it a big deal. How about you don't leave blood and semen all over the place, and we will leave you alone for the rest of your life? Sound fair? Good.

The nerve of some people. Now if you excuse me I have to go take the quarters out of the UNICEF boxes at several local dry cleaners.